


We Could Still Belong Together

by FadedSparks



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-15
Updated: 2013-11-15
Packaged: 2018-01-01 15:52:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 29,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1045727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FadedSparks/pseuds/FadedSparks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared is unfortunate enough to meet the guy of his dreams at the most inconvenient of times, because Mr. Right is dating Jared’s best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

-~*~-  
Part One  
-~*~-

  
Jared plops down onto his couch after a long day of working at his uncle's bookstore and lets out a long suffering sigh for the bitch of a day he has endured. Nothing seemed to go right for him, making petty mistakes all throughout the day that made him want to scream. Now he is just glad to be able to relax at home with his babies. Sadie is currently curled up in his lap, obviously thinking she is smaller than she actually is, while Harley is in the kitchen finishing off whatever is left in his food bowl.

Propping his feet up on the coffee table, Jared turns on the television and flips through the channels until he reaches the TV Guide Network. He watches with little awareness as the guide scrolls up at a snail pace, looking for anything that might be of interest. He is dead tired after the day he has just had though, so he knows he will likely end up falling asleep during whatever he decides to watch.

Seeing that a rerun of Grey’s Anatomy is on, he flips to the right channel before tossing the remote to the side. Shooing Sadie off his lap and apologizing when she whines unhappily, he forces himself to his feet and makes his way into the kitchen. Grabbing a beer from the fridge, he pops the tab and takes a couple of large gulps. He stops on his way back toward the living room and grabs one more beer, knowing the one he opened will be gone in no time flat.

He stumbles his way back into the living room, having an awkward dance with Harley when the dog won’t get out of the way, and finally drops back down onto the couch with a heavy sigh. He scratches Sadie lovingly behind her ear when she places her head in his lap and he smiles down at her, pleased to know he has such a loyal pet at his side.

His parents and friends are worried about him, they say it isn’t healthy to be alone like he is. They keep bugging him about going out and meeting someone, because apparently he needs someone in his life other than his dogs to keep him company and to greet him at home when he gets off work. Jared can’t help but scoff at that; he is perfectly happy with the way things are and he certainly isn’t looking to change it.

He just wishes his loved ones would back off a bit. Sure, he gets lonely at times, who doesn’t? But that doesn’t mean he isn’t happy. He likes his freedom too much; likes being able to come and go as he pleases, likes not having to answer to anyone before making plans for a night out with the boys, or Sandy in his case. He doesn’t need someone, living in his house and changing things. He likes the way things are, likes his space, and he doesn’t want to have to change his life in order to fit someone else into it.

No one understands this and, really, they don’t need to. This is Jared’s life and he is stubborn enough to not let anyone bully him into doing something he doesn’t want to. He knows his parents and friends mean well; they are just looking out for him and want him to be happy, but he _is_ happy being on his own.

It’s not that he’s opposed to the idea of falling in love, sharing his life with someone that means something to him. It is just that he is content with things the way they are and he doesn’t feel the need to go looking for someone. If someone comes into his life unexpectedly, well then he would be willing to give a relationship a shot, but for now he is content with the way things are. All he needs is his loved ones and his babies.

Jared releases a groan when a muffled version of ‘Pocketful of Sunshine’ interrupts his train of thought and he reluctantly digs his cell phone out of his pocket. He really doesn’t feel like talking to anyone at the moment but he knows he will get an earful if it is his mom calling and he ignores it. She never let him hear the end of it the last time he ‘pulled a stunt’ like that, or at least that is how she put it.

He lets out an even louder groan when he finds ‘Chad’ blinking up at him from the screen and briefly considers letting the call go to voicemail. The thing about Chad, however, is he won’t give up if his call goes unanswered. He will just call relentlessly until Jared breaks down and answers the damn call. His friend is just awesome like that - note the sarcasm.

Jared flips open the phone, against his better judgment, and raises it to his ear feeling like a criminal on death row. Okay, that is a bit harsh, Chad isn’t _that_ bad. Jared really doesn’t want to talk to him though, because he either has inane things to talk about or he is just ringing to brag about his latest conquest. It all gets old rather quickly.

“Yes Chad, what is it this time?” Jared greets him with an edge of exasperation in his voice, realizing he isn’t being all that friendly but knowing Chad won’t take offence because this is the way Jared always greets him.

“Dude, I met The One!” Chad starts off, annoying in his over-the-top enthusiasm.

“Uh huh, and how is this different from all the others who were also, as you put it, The One?” Jared asks with sarcasm that he feels no guilt for.

“Jay, I’m serious, he is different from all the others.” Chad tries to convince him but Jared has heard this one too many times to fully believe this relationship will be the one that lasts.

“So it’s a guy this time, huh?”

“Man, are you even listening to me? I said I’ve met The One! Why aren’t you taking me seriously?” Chad asks, having the gall to sound affronted.

“Chad, you’re forgetting something,” Jared says like he’s talking to a two year old, which, with Chad, might not be that far off. “I’m your friend, and I know you too well. You’ve been in more relationships than I can count in my head. How is this guy any different from all the others?”

“This guy… dude, he is fucking amazing… he’s so different from all the other people I’ve dated. He’s got class, and he’s fuckin’ hilarious, and he likes me. Can you believe it? A person as smart and funny and classy as him actually likes me, is giving _me_ the time of day. I don’t know what I did to get so lucky, but I’d really fuckin’ like to.” Chad tells him in a dreamy, far too happy tone that has Jared rolling his eyes. It’s not like he hasn’t heard all of this before after all.

“Sounds like he doesn’t know what he’s gotten himself into. If he’s as perfect as you’re making him out to be then I’d say there has to be something wrong with him, or he is delusional to actually get mixed up with you ‘cause we both know you don‘t deserve a guy like that. You’re more into the slutty, underage airheads. Are you sure he isn’t imaginary?” Jared teases, unable to help himself.

“He is very much real,” Chad scowls down the line and Jared has to fight not to laugh; it is just too easy to get under Chad‘s skin. “And you really want to know how I know it is different with this guy?”

“Please, do tell,” Jared replies sarcastically, doing his best to sound put upon.

“For one, he’s older, and we both know I don’t date people older than me,” Chad makes his first point and Jared reluctantly has to agree with him, Chad can really be shallow. “For another, and this is the big one - I haven’t even slept with the guy yet and I’ve been seeing him for the past three months.”

Jared’s eyebrows disappear into his hairline when he hears this, mouth gaping open in shock while his eyes are wide as saucers. Of all the things he was expecting, this was the very last thing on that list. Chad usually doesn’t bother with people that won’t sleep with him right off the bat, and the longest he has waited was a week before giving up and moving on to his next victim. To know he has waited three whole months, and continues to wait… _Maybe he really is serious about this one_ , Jared considers in his mind, shaking his head in disbelief.

“You’ve been with this dude for three months and you haven’t called me until now to brag? It must be the real deal.” Jared responds after recovering from his shock, not a trace of sarcasm in his voice this time around.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you,” Chad replies, voice filled with exasperation. “This guy… he really means a lot to me Jay, I can see myself settling down with him. I’m… I’m going to ask him to move in with me, and if he says yes I’m going to throw a party and I want you to be there. You’re my best friend man, and I’d really like you to meet him.”

Jared swallows uncomfortably. It’s not that he isn’t happy for his friend, because he is, it’s just a little weird hearing him talking so seriously about someone. In Jared’s mind, Chad was always the one person he never saw settling down. He loves the bachelor life too much; loves meeting new people, having short relationships and then moving on to the next warm body. To find out Chad cares about someone so much to ask them to move in with him, well, it’s a little weird and Jared has been thrown for a loop here.

“Yeah, definitely, you know I’ll be there,” Jared says once he finds his voice. “Does Mr. Right have a name by any chance?”

“His name is Jensen, and I swear you’re gonna love him Jare. I just know you’re gonna get along from the moment you meet.”

  
**:0Ж0:**   


  
Jared sits outside of Starbucks with a vanilla bean frappucino moistening the palm of his right hand and waits for Sandy to join him at the table. He watches in amusement as his best friend flirts unabashedly with the guy making her coffee and shakes his head when the guy slips her a piece of paper along with her drink. _How does she do it?_ he wonders quietly with much respect to the petite brunette swaying her hips exaggeratedly as she approaches his table. It seems one smile and flip of her hair has guys swooning at her feet, and Jared isn’t exaggerating at all either. Sandy knows she is gorgeous, and she ain’t afraid to use it to her advantage.

Sandy gracefully slips into the chair across from him and tries to act innocent when he raises an eyebrow. She just shrugs one of her delicate shoulders and smirks playfully and Jared can’t help but chuckle. He is used to this by now, he knows how Sandy is and he loves her for it. She knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to go after it. She is just so full of life and charm, it isn’t hard to like her.

She pushes her hair behind her ear and gives Jared a bright grin. “So, now tell me, what is it you’re having a mental breakdown over?”

Jared scowls at his best friend, rolling his eyes in exasperation. “How many times do I have to tell you I’m not having a mental breakdown? I’m just a little weirded out and shocked, is all.”

Sandy nods her head, a bemused expression on her face. “Alright fine, what has you so weirded out?” She rephrases the question and Jared finds, coming from someone else’s mouth, the words don’t sound much better.

“It’s Chad…” Jared starts but stops speaking when Sandy snorts derisively.

“Jay, Chad’s a douche bag, you’re _just now_ starting to get weirded out by him?” she asks with a raised eyebrow and an expression on her face that says she pities him.

“He can be a good friend when you need him to be, he’s not that bad.” Jared defends him, though for the life of him Jared isn’t sure why. It isn’t like Chad has done anything to warrant it, he is a douche bag 98% of the time and everyone knows it.

Sandy rolls her eyes, clearly not agreeing, and waves a hand dismissively. “What has the creep done this time?”

“He’s got a boyfriend… one he plans on staying with long term,” Jared clarifies when Sandy just gives him a blank look. “It’s strange because Chad doesn’t settle down, I don’t think he even knows how to. He is incapable of being faithful to anyone.”

Sandy nods her head with a sour expression. “True, the guy can never keep it in his pants.”

Jared just stares at her in disbelief, not happy with her response and not sure why. “You don’t think this is the least bit strange?”

“Of course I do, this is Chad after all,” Sandy tells him with a laugh but Jared doesn’t like the look on her face. “What I don’t understand is why you’re so bothered by it.”

Jared’s face scrunches up, like he bit into a lemon or something. “I’m not bothered by it, not really… I just…”

“Just what?” Sandy asks softly, a curious look on her face.

“I dunno… I just always figured I’d be settled down with someone before Chad was,” Jared speaks quietly, embarrassed to be admitting this aloud. “Now Chad is actually serious about someone and I’m still all alone… this just has me thinking about my life, ya know?”

“Yeah, but you’re happy on your own, remember? At least, that’s what you’re always telling everyone,” Sandy points out gently while giving him a calculating look. “Are you saying you’re not as happy as you’ve been telling everybody?”

“No, I meant it when I said I was happy on my own, that I didn’t _need_ someone in my life to be happy. It’s just… I guess I always figured hell would freeze over before Chad settled down, and I kinda wanted to be settled down before he was, and now he’s taken that step and I still come home to an empty house every night,” Jared explains, his frustration building by the minute. “It makes me feel like such a loser, ya know? ‘Cause if _Chad_ can find someone then why is it that I’m still alone?”

Sandy reaches out and places her hand over his, cooing the whole time. “Aw, honey, you don’t have to be alone if you don’t want to be. You just have to put yourself out there. You can’t expect to meet your soul mate hiding away in your house, it just doesn’t work that way. This isn’t a movie Jared, the love of your life isn’t just going to show up one day on your door step. It’s a two way street, you have to meet half way.”

“I get that, I really do, I just… I guess this whole turn of events has gotten me to thinking and I’m getting a little depressed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still quite happy with my life, but… I dunno, I guess I’m starting to want more.”

“You want to share your life with someone Jared, that’s understandable. You shouldn’t lose hope though, and you shouldn’t let this depress you. You’ll meet your guy when the time is right. You’re not going to be alone forever… not if you don’t want to be.”

Jared takes in her words slowly, processing them, rolling them around in his head. He knows she is right. He has been happy with his life up to this point, but now, maybe he is ready to open up his life and share it with someone else. He doesn’t have to be alone if he doesn’t want to be, he knows he could find someone if he actually took the time to look. It’s not like he is ugly, it shouldn’t be too hard to find a date, but that isn’t exactly what he wants either. He doesn’t want to just play the field; he is more serious about this, wants to find someone to have a real relationship with. So, how does one go about that?

Sadly, Jared has no idea, and that is why he’s so frustrated.

  
**:0Ж0:**   


  
The house is already crowded by the time Jared arrives and he has to fight his way to the kitchen where he hopes to find some familiar faces. Chad always throws outrageous parties, he is almost as bad as Mike is in fact. Jared can’t help thinking this is a little over-the-top though. The main reason Chad is having this party is because his boyfriend agreed to move in with him and Chad wants Jared and the rest of their friends to meet him. Since this is the case, Jared can’t help thinking this should be a more private party with just the people closest to Chad. _Then again, he wouldn’t be Chad if he didn’t throw an over-the-top party_ , Jared tells himself silently.

Jared forces his way into the kitchen, scowling at the rude people blocking the entrance. He sighs in relief when he catches sight of Tom standing by one of the counters looking bored and annoyed. Tom looks up as Jared approaches and smiles in greeting, giving him a friendly pat on the back. Jared smiles in return before casting a wary glance around the kitchen and looking toward the living room with hesitancy on his face.

Tom laughs as he watches Jared and shakes his head. “You look about as happy to be here as I am.”

“It wouldn’t be so bad if Chad had just invited us, not used this as an excuse to throw a huge party,” Jared grumbles while throwing a group of obnoxious guys a look of distaste.

“Couldn’t agree with you more,” Tom laughs as he leans back against the counter. “I didn’t even want to come tonight, was seriously considering not bothering to show up, but you know how Mike is when he gets excited about something. I somehow got dragged here anyway.”

“Think anyone would notice if we snuck out the back and made a run for it?” Jared asks with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“I would kill you if you left now, fucker!” Chad suddenly appears at his side and Jared has the decency to look sheepish. “Besides, you still haven’t met my boy and you can’t leave until you do.”

Jared glances around the kitchen, which is quickly becoming empty. “Okay, so where is Mr. Perfect anyway? Let’s get this introduction over with so I can get the hell outta here.”

Chad scowls but doesn’t actually look offended. “You really know how to have a good time Padalecki,” he says sarcastically as he starts backing out of the room. “I’ll go find him. You can meet him, and then you can fuck off for all I care.”

Jared watches Chad leave the room, amusement on his face, and then leans back against the counter to wait for his friend to return. He really doesn’t want to be here and the sooner he can leave the better. It’s not that he doesn’t like spending time with Chad - he is one of his best friends after all - but he isn’t into the party scene. To be honest, he never really has been. He has more fun sitting at home with a few good friends and a pack of beer rather than at a party surrounded by a bunch of people he doesn’t know and doesn’t care to. Thankfully though, Chad understands and isn’t the least bit offended when Jared doesn’t stay very long.

“Listen, I’m gonna go find Mike and make sure he isn’t doing anything stupid. God knows that man can’t look after himself,” Tom says with an exasperated sigh. “I don’t know if I will see you again tonight before you leave but I’ll swing by tomorrow. Maybe we can go have a beer after work or something.”

“Sounds good man, it’s a plan. I’ll see ya tomorrow.”

Jared watches Tom leave the room and lets out a huff of breath as he checks his watch for the time and then crosses his arms over his chest. He idly watches as people come and go, not giving him so much as a second glance. He is kind of glad for that though, because he really doesn’t want to be bothered and being hit on is the last thing he is in the mood to deal with. He is not in the best of moods to begin with, which tells him he probably shouldn’t be here in the first place. But he promised Chad he’d swing by to meet this Jensen dude and Jared doesn’t break a promise to anyone.

For the next fifteen minutes he periodically checks his watch, growing more bored and annoyed by the second, beginning to wonder if Chad has forgotten about him or something. He has to work tomorrow so he hopes Chad doesn’t take much longer; he would like to get _some_ sleep tonight, being dead on his feet tomorrow doesn’t sound appealing at all. Having Sandy here would probably make the whole thing more bearable and the time wouldn’t pass by as slowly as it is, but Sandy doesn’t get along with Chad that well and she simply refuses to come to his parties. She won’t do it even for Jared.

He lets out a heavy sigh when another ten minutes goes by and Chad still hasn’t returned. _Knowing Chad, he probably got distracted by one of his many guests_ , Jared guesses with a groan of frustration. The kitchen is steadily growing in occupants and the air in the room is becoming hot and stuffy. He needs to get some air, get away from the crowd, before he goes insane.

Figuring Chad will find him eventually, Jared slips out the back door and instantly feels a little better the moment the cool night breeze hits him in the face. The music from the party is muffled now, sounding distant with the door hindering it, and the peace and quiet of the backyard feels like a blessing to him. He really isn’t cut out for this lifestyle and he doesn’t know how he gets roped into coming to these things time and time again. Maybe he should learn how to say no to his friends, even when they beg and plead.

Jared takes a cautious step forward into the darkness, searching out the stairs of the back porch. It is pitch black out tonight, so it is a difficult task, but eventually he finds the stairs and starts to descend. He only has time to let out a startled yelp when his foot catches on something and then he is tumbling downward, hitting the ground hard with a grunt of pain. For a moment all he does is lie there, too stunned to do anything, wondering what the hell just happened.

Jared blinks when a shadow looms over him, too dark to see the person’s face. “Oh my God, are you okay?” the faceless person asks him and Jared finds himself stupidly staring without saying a single word, still kind of in shock over what just happened. “You’re not hurt, are you?”

“I tripped over you,” Jared says dumbly, stating the obvious, and he mentally kicks himself for his stupidity. _Wow, aren’t you the clever one Padalecki_ , he berates himself.

“That you did,” the man says as he extends his hand to help Jared to his feet.

Jared takes the hand after a moment and allows the guy to help him stand, groaning at the lightheaded feeling that comes over him almost immediately. The guy takes a hold of Jared’s elbow to steady him and Jared makes a little sound of thanks to which the guy just nods his head once. Jared’s knees and hands are stinging a little bit but overall he doesn’t think he hurt himself too much in the fall, it could have been worse.

Jared sits down on the porch steps while the guy he tripped over heads into the house and turns on the backyard light, casting the porch in yellow artificial glow. The guy joins him on the steps a moment later and Jared takes the time to get a good look at him. The greenest eyes Jared has ever seen stare back at him and the guy is close enough for Jared to see a smattering of freckles across his nose and cheeks.

Jared feels like he has suddenly been struck dumb because he can do nothing but stare at the guy, speechless over how beautiful the guy truly is. The artificial light is accentuating the green of his eyes, making them shine, and the slight smile on his face looks inviting on bow shaped lips. The guy is simply gorgeous. It has been a while since Jared has been instantly attracted to someone but he is most definitely attracted to this guy. This surprises him because the last thing he expected when he came tonight was to meet someone he could be interested in.

“Seriously dude, are you okay?” the guy asks in concern, looking over Jared’s form for any sign of injury.

Jared pulls himself out of his stupor and smiles reassuringly. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Was just a little surprised by what happened, it caught me off guard. I didn’t even see you sitting there, wasn’t expecting someone to be there,” he explains with a soft laugh and a shrug of his shoulders.

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. I thought you knew I was there.”

“What are you doing out here by yourself anyway?” Jared asks curiously.

“It was getting too crowded in there for my taste, so I was trying to get away,” The guy laughs as he says this, a shy smile pulling at his lips that has captured Jared’s full attention. “This isn’t really my scene, I’m not really a partier.”

Jared nods in agreement. “I know what you mean, I’m not into these gatherings myself. In fact, I was doing the same thing you were, trying to escape,” Jared grins as he speaks, dimples pronounced. “Hope you don’t mind the company.”

“Not at all,” the guy says with a shake of his head and a smile.

“I haven’t seen you around before,” Jared speaks, leaving his question unsaid. “Do you know Chad or did you get dragged to this party by a friend?”

“I actually met Chad a few months ago. He was one of the first people I met when I moved here.”

“You haven’t lived here long, huh? You’re not from Texas, are you?” Jared asks.

“Yeah, Richardson to be exact. How’d you know?” the guy asks with raised eyebrows, intrigue clear on his face, and Jared can’t help but grin.

“I could tell by your voice dude. I’m from Texas too, San Antonio. I moved out here when I turned eighteen but Texas will always be home to me, ya know?”

“I totally know what you mean, I’m kinda missing it already,” The green eyed cutie laughs softly, no more than a breath of a sound and Jared can’t take his eyes off of him. “Sometimes I can’t help but ask myself what I was thinking when I decided to pack up and leave behind everything I’ve ever known for a place that _still_ feels so foreign to me.”

“It gets easier the longer you’ve been here, the place has a way of growing on ya. Though, I must admit there are times when I crave my dad’s barbeque or going to the county fair with my family. There will always be aspects of home that I miss from time to time, but I don’t regret moving here and if you’re anything like me I’m sure you’ll come to like it here just as much,” Jared tells him as reassuringly as he can, having been in this guy’s shoes at one point and knowing exactly what he is going through.

A comfortable quiet descends upon them and they sit side by side in companionable silence. Jared is surprised that he doesn’t feel awkward like he usually does when there is a lull in conversation. It isn’t uncomfortable in the slightest though, and he can tell that the guy sitting next to him is just as loose and relaxed as he is. It is strange, but nice at the same time and Jared is content to just sit here and share the silence with this man. Before, Jared couldn’t wait to leave, but now he can’t think of anywhere else he’d rather be.

There is no denying the guy sitting beside him is utterly beautiful. With his long eyelashes and pouty mouth, Jared would go so far as to call him pretty. He is definitely attracted to this guy, and usually he has a hard time talking to guys he’s interested in. He always ends up stuttering his words and telling lame jokes. But things are oddly comfortable with his guy. Jared isn’t acting like a complete idiot and conversation seems to flow flawlessly, not forced or awkward in any way. Jared isn’t used to that but he certainly isn’t complaining. In fact, it makes him more curious about seeing if this guy is having similar feelings.

There seems to be a connection here, this electricity sparking between them, an invisible pull drawing them together. Jared _really_ wants to find out if he is the only one who can feel it because he doesn’t think it’s just him. There seems to be definite interest in those bright green eyes and Jared hopes to God he isn’t seeing this wrong. It has been a long time since he’s been this taken with a guy, especially one he _just_ met, and he would like to see if there is any potential here.

“So, if you’re not into parties, why are you still here, hiding out in the backyard?” the guy questions with a playful sparkle in his eyes and a quirk to his lips.

Jared laughs at the question and cards a hand through his hair as he looks at the guy with smiling eyes. “I told Chad I’d come by and I don’t break my promises, though sometimes I wish I did,” Jared chuckles as he says this, earning an amused grin for his troubles. “I’m more of a sit at home with a case of beer kind of guy than the party till dawn kind. Chad knows this, and usually I can weasel my way out of these things, but he begged and I couldn’t refuse. So, now I’m spending my evening hiding out in his backyard. But I got you for company so I guess it’s not so bad. My night is definitely starting to look up.”

Jared adds this last part with a touch of hesitancy, not sure flirting will be well received but the need to know is just too strong. If this guy is interested, even a little bit, it would be nice to know. The guy just stares at him for a long moment, making Jared think he had it all wrong from to the get-go, and then he turns away with a shy smile on his face, trying to hide the blush staining his cheeks. Jared figures this is a very good sign and feels his confidence build, biting his bottom lip as a smile of his own appears on his face.

The guy clears his throat before turning to Jared with a friendly but indifferent expression on his face. “Are you and Chad real good friends?” he asks with a nonchalance that kind of disappoints Jared. “How did you meet?”

The fact that the guy completely ignored Jared’s attempt at flirting and changed the subject is more than a little discouraging, and the indifference doesn‘t help matters any. Jared could have sworn he saw genuine interest in the guy’s eyes, and his reaction to Jared’s words was pretty encouraging, the blush is still reddening the guy’s cheeks after all. But now he is acting like it didn’t happen, like Jared didn’t, in a way, put himself out there.

_Maybe he’s just not interested_ , Jared tells himself as he stares into those green eyes. _Or maybe he is and I just have to keep trying, maybe I need to be more direct._

“I met Chad in high school and we’ve been good friends ever since. He’s actually one of my best friends,” Jared answers, figuring it is best to get to know the guy a little more, and vice versa, and then he can work his way up to asking the guy out to dinner or something. “He was the one that talked me into moving here in the first place. It was something I had always wanted to do, but he was the one that actually got me to make it a reality. Having him move with me kind of helped I think.”

“You’re lucky, sounds like he’s been a good friend to you. Not many people would up and move like that just because they knew it was something their friend really wanted to do.”

Jared has to bite his lip to keep from saying anything or outright laughing at what the guy just said. Don’t get him wrong, Chad is one of his best friends, and Jared can count on him when it really matters. But Chad is a douche bag 98% of the time and he doesn’t usually do anything unless there is something in it for him. Just like moving to California. He didn’t do it solely for Jared, he had his own selfish reasons, like wanting to be an actor for starters. Most of the time, if you want Chad to do something for you, you have to bribe him first.

“Uh, yeah… he’s been a pretty good friend, I’ll give him that, but he had his own reasons for wanting to move here. I was the one hesitant to move but he was the one that took the idea and ran with it,” Jared says as lightly as he can, trying not to put down his friend but not wanting this guy to think Chad is some saint either. “There was this girl he was talking to on the internet and she was the real reason he wanted to move. Before he started talking to her he kept telling me what a stupid idea moving was and that I shouldn’t hold my breath. But that all changed when he started talking to Sophia.”

The guy nods his head slowly, processing this information, and then he pastes a small smile on his face. “Guess his intentions weren’t all pure, but at least it got you here, got you to do the one thing you wanted to but were otherwise a little afraid to do. Plus, you didn’t have to do it on your own. I know how terrifying it can be when you’re doing it alone.”

“Yeah, I guess I should be thankful for that. I mean, I’m really happy here, and I owe that to Chad. Without his insistence I may not have gotten up the nerve to make the move.”

“So, you say you’ve known him since high school?” the guy asks, worrying his lip, something in his eyes that Jared can’t put a name to.

“Yeah, met him my freshman year. Why do you ask?” Jared asks in confusion, trying to figure out where this is going.

The guy worries his bottom lip for a second more before raising his eyes to Jared’s. “Your name wouldn’t happen to be Jared, would it?”

Jared’s mouth drops open in surprise, doing his best impression of a fish for a moment, and his eyes widen comically. “How… how did you know that?” Jared finally finds his voice, narrowing his eyes suspiciously, a bad feeling growing in the pit of his stomach. “What’s your name?”

The guy opens his mouth to speak but the sound of the back door slamming startles them both and a second later Chad is at their sides. “There you guys are, I’ve been looking everywhere for ya,” Chad says in exasperation but a smile is steadily appearing on his face. “I see you guys have already met.”

“Yeah, I just happened to stumble upon him,” Jared says while sharing a secretive grin with the guy he had an interesting first meeting with.

Chad quirks an eyebrow, looking at them both in confusion, and then he shrugs it off and grins at Jared. “So, what do you think Jare? I told you that you’d get along. Betcha thought I was exaggerating or something, but as you can see, I wasn’t. This guy right here is truly something special, wouldn’t you agree?”

The green eyed man rolls his eyes and jabs Chad in the gut with his elbow when Chad wraps an arm around his shoulders. “Shut up, I’m not this perfect person that I’m sure you’ve painted me to be.”

Jared’s stomach bottoms out when he finally puts all the pieces of the puzzle together and he almost wants to laugh at the irony of the situation. Or maybe cry, either one works. “Wait a minute, you’re Jensen?” he asks, even though he pretty much already knows the answer.

“Yeah this is Jensen,” Chad answers, looking at Jared like he’s gone insane. “You didn’t know that already? You’ve been out here for however long and never bothered to find out his name?”

_Well, put that way it does sound pretty stupid_ , Jared thinks to himself while keeping his eyes on Jensen.

Bitter disappointment claws at his insides while he tells himself that he should have known it was too good to be true. He finally meets someone he’s interested in and it turns out the guy is dating Jared’s best friend. That is really just his luck. He should be used to it by now, but he isn’t, and that feeling of disappointment settles heavy on his already slumped shoulders.

“We were just telling each other our names when you came out,” Jared tells him, not wanting to look as stupid as he feels.

“Okay fine, but I said you’d like him, didn’t I? You can tell me I was right now,” Chad says with a shit eating grin on his face and Jared wishes he could feel the same enthusiasm as him.

“Yeah you did, and you’re right, he’s… he’s something alright,” Jared answers, laughing a bit awkwardly as Jensen eyes him closely.

“I knew you two would get along, being from Texas and all, born and bred and all that shit.” Chad rambles on, completely oblivious to the sudden tension in the air.

Jensen isn’t so easily fooled however, he keeps giving Jared these apologetic looks and right there Jared knows he is screwed. Jensen isn’t stupid; he knew Jared was flirting with him moments earlier, is attracted to him, and this fact just makes Jared feel lower than before. He knows things are going to be very awkward from here on out.

Jared doesn’t want it to be awkward though, and he is determined to find a way to put this behind them so they can still be around each other without this hanging over their heads. Sure, Jared realizes that won’t make the attraction go away, but this is Chad’s boyfriend and he really doesn’t want things to be weird whenever they are in the same room. Chad would eventually become suspicious and that is one conversation Jared never wants to have.

“Yeah, we seem to have enough in common to be friends,” Jared looks at Jensen when he says this, hopeful expression clear on his face, silently asking him to ignore the flirting earlier and start over fresh.

“I don’t see why we couldn’t be friends. We’ve been getting along just fine so far and I’ve enjoyed talking to you.” Jensen smiles as he says this and Jared lets out the breath he was holding.

“Great, we’re all friends, now let’s go enjoy this party before it starts dying down,” Chad says pulling on Jared’s shoulder and trying to direct Jensen back into the house.

“Look man, I have to work tomorrow and I’m already tired as it is, plus you know I’m not much for parties. I think I’m just gonna head home,” Jared interjects while Chad is still paying a little attention.

“The night’s still young J.T., don’t tell me you’re punkin’ out this early.” Chad gives him a disapproving look and Jared almost laughs because that expression doesn’t suit his friend very well.

“Sorry man, but you know me, and you should have expected this.”

“Yeah, whatever bitch, at least come over this weekend and hang out. I promise there won’t be a party, it’ll just be the three of us, and maybe Mike and Tom. Hell, you can bring Sandy if ya want.”

Jared forces a smile onto his face and nods his head, not too thrilled with the idea but knowing he can’t start avoiding his friend just because he has a thing for Jensen. He needs to get used to it at some point, can’t avoid them like the plague forever, and he knows if he allows himself to avoid them once he will find reasons to do it as often as he can.

“It was nice meeting you Jared,” Jensen says sincerely, those bright emerald green eyes pulling Jared in, and then Chad is dragging him back into the house.

Jared watches them leave, feeling like his heart is in his throat, and wishes the earth would open up and swallow him whole. He doesn’t see how this could get much worse, but in the back of his mind he knows that it could. He will have to watch himself around Jensen because he can tell already that he could fall for the green eyed Texan and then Jared would be in a tougher spot than he currently is already. He cannot allow that to happen. Under no circumstances can he fall for Jensen, he would only find heartbreak if he did.

“God, why does my life have to suck so much?” he questions the darkness and sighs when, as expected, silence is all that answers back.

Instead of going back into the house and fighting his way through the crowd Jared walks around the building and heads towards his car, telling himself that he needs to call Sandy the moment he gets home because he really needs someone to talk to about this. Maybe she can give him some advice on how to handle this situation because God knows he is lost.


	2. Chapter 2

-~*~-  
Part Two  
-~*~-

  
After a week of self pity and - despite what he told himself - avoiding Chad at all costs Jared decides he is being ridiculous and tells himself firmly to stop acting like a wounded puppy. It’s not like he really knows Jensen. They only shared a simple conversation at a party neither wanted to be at. Sure, they have plenty in common, and Jared enjoyed talking to the fellow Texan, but the fact remains that he just met Jensen and Jared shouldn’t be acting like someone kicked his puppy. Sure, Jensen’s dating Jared’s best friend, so what, there are plenty of fish in the sea and Jared will find someone else eventually.

Now, if he can only get himself to believe this…

Fact of the matter is Jared’s tired of hiding out in his house, avoiding Chad’s calls like they are the plague, and being nervous as hell at work because he is afraid the blond will show up. He needs to just accept this and move on, he doesn’t really have any other choice after all. If he were a better friend he would be happy for Chad, because the blond really does seem serious about this relationship and that is something altogether new.

Jared knows he can’t avoid his friend forever and he doesn’t want to, so he decides to give Chad a call once he gets home from work. _Maybe I can come over like he wanted me to the last time we spoke_ , Jared decides in his mind as he places the new books that just arrived this morning on the shelves. He moves mechanically, barely looking at the spines of each book, taking note of the author’s name and putting it in its rightful place.

He is not really in the right frame of mind to be working today, can’t seem to focus on anything besides his little issue concerning his best friend’s boyfriend. Thankfully though, the little bookshop has had few customers, spread thin throughout the day, and Jared hasn’t been required to be on top of things like he would on a busy day. Still, having your head in the clouds at work, busy or not, is not a good thing and Jared really should try harder to focus. His uncle might be the owner of the place but that doesn’t mean Jared gets an easy ride; he is expected to work just as hard as the rest of the employees.

Jared is so lost in his thoughts that he nearly has a heart attack when a perky blonde known as Allison suddenly appears at his side with a bright grin. She smirks when he gives her a scathing scowl that contains no heat and holds out a caramel macchiato as a peace offering. He takes the coffee off her hands immediately, grateful for the pick-me-up, and forgives her for unintentionally trying to kill him.

“You’ve been spacing out quite a bit today Jare, should I be worried?” She asks like she is talking about the weather and Jared gives her a withering glance in return.

“The day you are genuinely worried about me is the day I’ll miraculously realize I’m actually straight and have been fooling myself this whole time.” Jared responds sarcastically but can’t keep a smile from pulling at his lips.

“You know you’re secretly in love with me, don’t deny it.” She quips back with that bubbly grin of hers that Jared can’t help but love to see.

“Well how could I resist you Allie, you’re just irresistible.”

“I know, guys are just falling over themselves trying to get in my pants, why should a gay man be any different?” she replies in good humor, not conceited in the slightest but loving to make it look like she is. “Seriously though, what is going on with you?”

Jared lets out a sigh, knowing she isn’t going to drop this, she is far too stubborn for that. He turns back to the bookshelf and goes back to work, not looking her way as he says, “I met someone.”

Even though he isn’t looking at her he doesn’t miss the way she perks up at his words and he waits for the inevitable questions to spew forth from his friend’s mouth. “For real? You honest to God met someone? You? The guy that doesn’t want a relationship?” she asks, unable to keep the surprise and joy from her voice. “Where’d you meet this guy?”

“A week ago at one of Chad’s parties,” he answers quietly, not as enthused about this as Allison.

“Wow… I just… I don’t quite know how to respond to this. It’s not everyday you meet someone you deem worthy of talking about, much less brood over.”

“Who says I’m brooding?” Jared asks with a scowl fixed firmly on his face, knowing she is right but not too happy that his self pity is obvious.

Allison gives him a ‘well, duh’ look and Jared looks away again, hiding the sheepish expression that has crawled its way onto his face. “Which brings me to another question,” she ambles on relentlessly, “Why are you brooding anyway? You met someone, isn’t that supposed to be a good thing?”

Allison looks at him calculatingly when he doesn’t respond and releases an exasperated sigh, shaking her head. “Please tell me you didn’t talk to this guy and then leave the party without at least getting his number.”

“No, I have his number,” Jared mutters under his breath. _Just so happens he shares the same phone number as Chad._ He doesn’t say this aloud though, still quite embarrassed about the whole thing and more than a little unhappy. This, once again, reminds him that he has no right to be so unhappy; it isn’t like he has known Jensen for long and he certainly doesn’t love the guy. _Though it’s obvious that I could if I got to know the guy better_ , he thinks to himself sullenly.

She gives him a look of confusion but he remains silent and puts book upon book on the shelf in front of him, giving this task more attention than is strictly necessary. “Then what’s the problem?” she asks, when it is clear he isn’t going to offer any explanation.

“The problem is I have absolutely no chance with the guy,” Jared tells her with a sigh, finally turning away from the bookshelf to look her in the eye. “I flirted with the guy, got no response save for a blush, and then I felt like a complete fool when I found out I had no shot with him.”

Jared looks back down at the remaining books in his hands, avoiding Allison’s confused but sympathetic eyes, and takes note of the author’s name before heading toward another aisle. He is already tired of this conversation; acknowledging the hopelessness of the situation just brings him down, but he knows Allison won’t let it go until she has all the facts. It is one of the things he loves and hates about his friend.

“You keep saying you have no chance with him but would you care to elaborate? How exactly do you know you have no chance?” Allison asks as she follows him. “Does he have a boyfriend or something, or is he straight? Please tell me it isn’t the latter, falling for the straight guy is just a very bad idea.”

“He already has a boyfriend,” Jared calls over his shoulder as he places a book on the shelf and then moves on. “And who said anything about falling for him? I’m attracted to the guy, not a step away from professing my undying love for him.”

“You got that look in your eyes Jare. I’ve only seen it once before, with Kyle, but it’s the one that says you could fall in love with this guy if you’re not careful. I’m just looking out for you,” Allison tells him as she trails after him all over the shop. “That sucks to hear he has a boyfriend though, I’m sorry.”

“He doesn’t just have any boyfriend Allie, he’s dating Chad,” Jared finally admits, coming to a halt and turning to face her once more. “He’s dating my best friend so that means I am completely screwed, and not in the good way either. If he was just dating some random guy I’d be okay with it because I‘d never have to see him again, but since he is dating Chad that means I’ll have to get used to seeing Jensen, possibly on a regular basis. It’ll be a hell of a lot harder to get over the disappointment, ya know?”

Allison cringes in sympathy and places a delicate hand on his shoulder, realizing the situation is a lot more difficult than she originally believed. “I’m sorry Jared, I know it can’t feel good.” she tells him with complete sincerity and he can’t decide if it makes him feel better or worse. “But hey, don’t let it get ya down, there are plenty of other people out there. We’ll find ya someone else, maybe it’ll get your mind of it.”

“I dunno, I don’t think that’s what I need right now. I know you have my best intentions at heart, and I appreciate it, but I don’t think random hook ups or looking for ‘The One’, is really going to make me feel better,” Jared tells her honestly, smiling softly, somewhat sadly, and then heads to the front counter.

Allison follows him after a moment, watching him with concerned eyes, but thankfully doesn’t push the subject. Jared finally takes his first drink of the coffee she brought him and his eyes widen nearly immediately, surprised by how good it is. He looks at the cup but frowns when he realizes it doesn’t give the name of the coffee shop. He turns to his friend and holds up the coffee, like that is enough of an explanation for the question he is silently asking. Allison just gives him a blank stare, blinks once, twice, and then raises an eyebrow.

“This is really good,” Jared finally says, ignoring Allison’s bemused laugh, and raises the cup to his mouth for another drink. “Where’d you get it?”

“You know that coffee shop across the street, Water Canyon Coffee Co., the one we’ve always been curious about but never stepped foot in because one of us is addicted to Starbucks?” she says, giving him a pointed look that says he’s the one too addicted to Starbucks to try anything new. “Yeah, well, I stopped there on my way back from lunch and decided it was time we see if they are any good.”

“Huh,” Jared says, tossing a look of consideration at his coffee, and giving his friend a conceding smile. “It’s not too bad. I guess it couldn’t hurt to give them our business from time to time when I can break myself away from Starbucks.”

“You’re hopeless Jared, completely hopeless,” Allison tells him with a roll of her eyes and then it is like a flip is switched and her eyes light up. Jared has half a mind to take a step back, knowing that mischievous sparkle in her eyes means bad news for him, and the moment she opens her mouth she confirms this for him. “There was this gorgeous guy there that took my order. Now that I think about it, he’d most definitely be your type. Are you sure you’re not interested in putting yourself out there and finally getting your ass laid?”

Jared can’t help but bark out a laugh at her choice of words, looking at her in disbelief while shaking his head. “No, just no! I’m not having you set me up Allie, don’t even think about it. If I really want to find someone, which I don’t, I can find him on my own.”

“Don’t turn me down so easily Jared, without at least seeing this guy first. Trust me, he’s a hottie. Muscular arms that are mouth watering without being a muscle head, strong shoulders with a firm chest and abs. Tall but not freakishly so, like you. Baby face without looking like a little boy, friendly eyes and lips made for…”

“Okay, stop right there!” Jared stops her before she can finish that sentence, giving her a disturbed expression while she just smirks in return.

“Seriously Jared, come with me after work, at least see the guy before writing him off so quickly.” She prods him and he knows she won’t give up until she has her way.

He gives her a long suffering look but lets out a sigh of resignation when she doesn’t even bat an eye. “Alright fine, we’ll go after work, but I’m not promising anything.”

“You won’t regret it Jare,” she sing-songs as she walks away, grinning triumphantly, and all Jared can do is shake his head in a cross between amusement and dismay.

**:0Ж0:**

_How the hell do I always get myself in these situations?_ Jared silently asks himself as he locks the door to the bookshop and, begrudgingly, follows an overly excited Allison across the street to Water Canyon Coffee Co. The last thing he wants to do is meet this guy that Allison thinks would be perfect for him but he knows she wouldn’t let him back out, even if he begged and pleaded. He figures the least he can do is appease her, see the guy, hang around long enough to be acceptable, and then make his escape. No big deal, he can handle fifteen minutes or so.

With this in mind, Jared holds the door open for Allison and then promptly follows her inside the air conditioned room, breathing in the wonderful scent of coffee. They hang back, away from the front counter and no one pays them much attention. Allison points, inconspicuously, to a guy that has his back turned to them and Jared puts a contemplative expression on his face, like he is actually considering this guy as potential boyfriend material.

“So that’s him huh?” Jared asks, though it is pretty damn obvious if Allison’s smile is anything to go by.

“Yes, that’s him. Now, if only he’d turn around so you could see how gorgeous he is,” Allison responds, sounding a touch annoyed. “Though the view ain’t bad from here, gotta admit he’s got a tight ass.”

“Oh God, Allie!” Jared turns to look at his friend, appalled but amused. “I swear, I can’t take you anywhere.”

Allison laughs joyfully in response. “Oh, come now Jared, don’t act like such a prude. Besides, you love me and you know it.”

“I’m not a prude,” Jared mutters under his breath, giving the floor an affronted glare, before pulling on Allison’s arm. “Come on, let’s get this over with so I can go home.”

“Don’t sound too enthusiastic,” she grumbles, but allows him to drag her over to the counter.

The guy still has his back turned to them and they stand there for a moment, waiting to see if he will turn around before Jared finally clears his throat to catch the guy’s attention. The guy turns around swiftly, almost overbalancing himself, and Jared would find this amusing if he weren’t currently cursing every known entity he can think of.

“Jared?” Jensen sounds just as surprised as Jared is. _This is irony at its finest_ , Jared thinks dryly before pasting a smile on his face.

“Hey Jensen, I didn’t know you worked here,” Jared responds, shifting awkwardly and tossing Allison a warning glance when she gasps in realization.

“I’ve worked here for a little over two months now,” Jensen says, a small smile lifting his lips. “Never seen you in here before.”

“Yeah, this is my first time actually. I work across the street and pass by nearly every day, but I never got around to checking the place out.” Jared laughs a little, hoping to disguise the unease coursing through his system.

“Wow, who knew we worked so close to one another,” Jensen responds with a soft laugh, eyes sparkling with mirth and Jared knows he is lost, familiar pangs of attraction sparking through his body.

“Yeah, small world,” Jared responds lightly, less enthusiasm than Jensen, and turns to Allison. “Jensen, this is my friend Allison, Allie this is Jensen. I met him at a party.”

“Nice to meet you Jensen,” Allison says with a friendly smile, reaching out to shake his hand.

“You too,” Jensen responds in kind before turning to Jared once more. “Chad’s been trying to get in touch with you.”

Jared reaches up and scratches his head absentmindedly, placing an apologetic smile on his face. “Yeah I’ve noticed, and I’ve been meaning to give him a ring but I’ve just been so busy ya know?” Jared offers in way of explanation, sounding lame to his own ears, and he knows Jensen doesn’t buy it for a second.

Allison excuses herself to find them a table, uncomfortable with the direction the conversation is heading, and Jared silently curses her for leaving him to deal with this on his own. He knew he would have to deal with it eventually - he couldn’t very well avoid Chad and Jensen forever after all - but he has been caught off guard and it would have been nice if his so called friend had been decent enough to bail him out just this once. It is her fault he is here after all, so the least she could do is give him a reason to have to leave.

Jared turns back to Jensen, grinning uneasily, knowing it looks awkward, and once again curses his shitty luck. _Damn, I’m just cursing everything today_ , he thinks dryly. Jensen just stares back at him, a knowing look on his face, and leans his elbows on the counter, bringing him an inch closer to Jared. Jared tries to ignore the flutter in his stomach from being in such close proximity to Jensen and does his best to stand his ground, appear unfazed.

“Look, you don’t have to avoid us, okay?” Jensen finally speaks and Jared has the decency to look a little sheepish at being caught red handed.

Jared doesn’t even try to say he wasn’t avoiding them, they would both know he was lying anyway. “I know it was a shitty thing to do, but I was a little embarrassed by the whole thing. I didn’t know how I was going to face you after that. I didn’t want anything to be strained between us.”

“I know it was a little awkward for a while there, and I can understand that you’re embarrassed, but I wouldn’t dwell over it,” Jensen tells him, acting like it’s no big deal. “How ‘bout this, why don’t we put it behind us and start over? I meant what I said, I had a good time talking to you, and I think we could be good friends if you’d like to be. What do ya say?”

Jared lets out a breath, relief flooding him in waves, and gives Jensen a grateful smile. “Yeah, I think I’d like that very much.”

He knows it isn’t going to be easy, the attraction he feels towards Jensen isn’t going to go away overnight, but he doesn’t want that to stop him from befriending the man either. Jared might not have a shot with Jensen in the sense of a relationship but Jensen is offering his friendship and Jared isn’t going to reject it. He would rather have Jensen as his friend than not at all.

No, this attraction he feels for Jensen won’t go away overnight, but if Jared constantly reminds himself that the green eyed man is off limits, then maybe they can make a friendship work. He really hopes they can be friends because he enjoyed Jensen’s company, enjoyed talking to someone from Texas, someone who can understand him better than these other Californians do. Besides, Jensen seems to be a really nice person, down-to-earth and friendly, and they got along right from the start. The way they first met is definitely memorable and he is sure they will have a good laugh over it for some time to come. Jared shouldn’t let a thing like attraction keep them from forging a friendship.

Jared’s smile comes a little easier this time around, more genuine, and he means it when he tells Jensen that he will see him later. Jensen seems to sense this, a softness in his eyes as he nods his head and says he looks forward to it. Jared orders a drink for Allison and himself and once he has them in hand he walks away feeling a little lighter, confident that things will be okay from here on out.

**:0Ж0:**

With nervous anticipation coursing through his veins, Jared switches lanes and heads towards Chad’s house. He had called his friend a few days ago, after his run in with Jensen, and Chad forgave him for his evasiveness. Chad still doesn’t know Jared has avoided him for a whole week though; all Jared would say was that he had been busy and Chad eventually let the topic go. Jared had agreed to come over on his day off and hang out, and now that the day has come Jared is nervous about how it will go but excited at the same time.

Jared can’t help feeling like a crappy friend for avoiding Chad like he did. Sure, Chad isn’t always the best friend at times, but the blond has always been there for him, is the one friend that has remained by his side, and he really doesn’t want to lose that. Jensen may be great, but Jared doesn’t want his feelings for his best friend’s boyfriend to come between his friendship with Chad. He _won’t_ let that happen. They have gone through too much together, have been friends too long, to let a guy come between them.

Sandy is the one that helped him see this, God love her. Her advice and wise words, despite her dislike of Chad, really helped Jared to see he was being a selfish prick, and now he is determined to put these feelings aside and be happy for his friend. He still thinks it is weird that Chad, womanizer, is actually serious about someone. And that it’s a guy. It seems rather surreal to Jared. And once you get past his jealousy of wanting Jensen for himself, Jared is pleased that Chad has found happiness. His friend really needed to change his ways, settle down with someone he could care about and be cared for in return, and now it would seem that he has taken that step.

 _‘Bout damn time_ , Jared thinks fondly as he switches on his turn signal and turns down Chad’s street, which happens to be in a decent neighborhood. He drives down the street for a couple of blocks before Chad’s house comes into view and he pulls up into the driveway. Putting his vehicle in park and shutting off the engine, Jared climbs out of the driver’s seat and sets the alarm before walking up the path to the front door where he knocks twice and waits.

He enters after he hears Jensen yell from inside, telling him to let himself in, and he heads straight into the living room. Jensen is sitting at a computer desk, a leg tucked underneath him, hair in disarray and the cutest pair of glasses perched on his nose. Jensen smiles shyly the moment he sees him, running a hand through his messy hair self-consciously, and asks Jared how he is doing. Jared forcibly tears his eyes away from the adorable sight Jensen makes and shifts from one foot to the other, hands pushed deep in his pockets.

“I’m doing pretty good, my first day off in a long time, so I’m enjoying it. How about you, how are you doing?”

“I’m good, got no reasons to complain anyway,” Jensen shrugs, small smile pulling at his lips. “Not that I’m unhappy you stopped by, but why did you?”

“Chad and I made plans to hang out on my day off,” Jared explains, casting a glance around the living room, searching for the absent blond. “Where would he happen to be anyway?”

“Last minute audition for some TV show pilot. He got a call from his agent just last night,” Jensen tells him. “I’m surprised he didn’t call you to let ya know your plans had changed.”

“I’m not,” Jared replies with a roll of his eyes and a small smile on his face. “You must know by now how he has a tendency to be an airhead at the best of times. He was probably too preoccupied and excited about his audition that he didn’t think to give me a call. That’s alright though, I’m glad for him. Hopefully this will be the break he’s been looking for.”

“Yeah, I’m hoping for the best too. He works hard, he deserves it. I’m sorry he bailed on ya and ruined your plans though. If I had known I would’ve let you know,” Jensen tells him with a truly apologetic expression on his face and Jared is reminded once more why he is so attracted to this man.

Jared waves a dismissive hand. “Not your fault, don’t beat yourself up over it. Besides, I understand how important this is to him, so I can forgive him this once.”

Jared places a reassuring grin on his face to show that it isn’t a big deal and knows it works the moment Jensen smiles back. The room grows quiet as their conversation dies and both of them are left grasping for the words to keep the awkwardness at bay. Jared knows he should probably head back home, or over to Sandy’s, since Chad isn’t here but he can’t seem to make his feet move him towards the door.

Jensen glances up at him before sweeping his gaze over the living room, obviously just as uncomfortable as Jared and trying to come up with something to talk about. Knowing he isn’t alone in his unease doesn’t exactly help Jared any, and the more time passes with neither of them saying a single word the more uncomfortable he becomes.

“You, uh… you want me to get you something to drink?” Jensen finally speaks, looking at Jared expectantly.

Jared contemplates this for a moment, weighting the pros and cons, and finally decides that hanging out with Jensen alone would probably be more uncomfortable than he wants to deal with. “Actually I think I’m just gonna get going,” Jared declines as he backs towards the door. “Got a whole day to waste, might as well do things I’ve been meaning to get done or I can head over to my friend’s house.”

“Alright, that’s cool,” Jensen says as he follows Jared to the door. “Sorry your plans got ruined but I’m sure Chad will want to reschedule.”

Jared merely nods his head in acknowledgement and is almost out the door before he turns back around suddenly, an idea coming to him that he acts upon before he can think twice. “I have the whole day free, and it seems like you do too, so would you like to get outta the house for a while and go do something?” He asks in a rush of words that he would be surprised if Jensen could even understand.

 _What the hell are you thinking?_ He berates himself almost immediately, mentally smacking himself upside the head for his inability to think before speaking, which gets him into more sticky situations than he wants to admit. _This is the worst idea in the history of bad ideas! Quick, think of a way to back out of it while you still can!_

Jared would back out if he could, but with the way Jensen perked up the moment he could string the rushed words into a sensible sentence Jared knows he can’t take it back. He would hate to disappoint Jensen like that, even though every fiber of his being is telling him that he will just be punishing himself by spending the day with the green eyed vision. He can’t bring himself to dash Jensen’s excitement though, so he stays quiet and places a forced grin on his face when Jensen tells him to give him a moment to get dressed and then they can head out.

Jared shuts the front door behind him, standing awkwardly in the hallway, and watches as Jensen disappears down it. It’s not that Jared doesn’t want to spend the day with Jensen as his company; who in their right mind wouldn’t want to spend their time with Jensen? It is just that he will enjoy it too much and knowing that at the end of the day Jensen will return to Chad is a reminder that he doesn’t need.

 _A lot of alcohol will be in order by the time the day is through_ , Jared thinks with an inner sigh, resigning himself to his fate, and he leans against the wall to wait for Jensen.

**:0Ж0:**

After stopping at Chevron to fill up on gas they head to Andrew’s Frozen Yogurt Palace. Jared had been shocked to learn that Jensen had never been there before and seeing as it is one of Jared’s favorite places, he figured everyone had been there at least once. Jensen has been here a little over three months and it is a crime to live here that long and not know the goodness that is Andrew’s frozen yogurt or at least it is in Jared’s book. Jensen had no objections about stopping here though, looked intrigued in fact, so Jared is determined to get Jensen just as hooked on the place as he is.

Easily finding a parking space, they jump out of the truck and Jared sets the alarm. He leads the way into the sweet shop, holding the door open for Jensen, and smiles at his friend behind the counter. Andrew is at his side in an instant with a pat on the back and a welcoming grin, asking him where the hell he has been and joking about how the place will shut down without his best customer to keep him in business. This, admittedly, makes Jared blush and he turns an even brighter shade of red when out of the corner of his eye he sees Jensen watching in mild amusement.

“I’ve been stuck at work lately, more so than usual. We just lost two employees, so Allie and I have had to put in more hours until we can get the positions filled,” Jared explains.

“Boy, you work yourself too much. Don’t you ever take some time off just for yourself? Do you even know what that is like?” Andrew asks, half teasing, half serious.

“I’m not a work-a-holic,” Jared defends himself. “Besides, I’m here today, aren’t I? It’s my day off and I’m thoroughly enjoying it.”

Andrew makes a low sound deep in his throat that tells Jared he has given in and just pastes an easy smile on his face, saying how good it is to see him again. Jared has to agree; it has been too long since he last saw the blue eyed man and it just confirms how long it has been since he has had the time to do the things that he enjoys. Maybe his friend is right, maybe he has been working too hard and taking a little time off for himself might be in order.

“And who do we have here?” Andrew asks when he finally takes notice of Jensen, who is standing off to the side, watching them with interest.

“This is Jensen. I’ve brought him here in hopes of bringing him over to the dark side,” Jared jokes lightly, wagging his eyebrows playfully.

“Now, don’t listen to the caveman over there,” Andrew says as he puts his arm around Jensen’s shoulders and steers him towards the variety of frozen yogurt he has to offer. “While I’m not saying my frozen yogurt ain’t to die for, the sasquatch over there is just a bit too obsessed for it to be normal.”

The expression on Jared’s face is a mixture between a pout and a scowl as he follows along behind them and it only deepens when Andrew just laughs and Jensen sets his sparkling eyes on him. Andrew tells Jensen to pick whatever he wants, that he’ll give him a discount this time, and then he heads back to the front counter to attend to some customers.

Jensen eyes the various flavors, trying to decide what one he wants, while Jared grabs two disposable bowls. He hands one to Jensen before filling his own with the New York Style Cheesecake flavored yogurt, watching gleefully as he packs the bowl nearly to the top. Jensen finally decides on the plain chocolate, filling his bowl half way, turning to Jared once he is finished.

Jared looks at Jensen’s yogurt critically and lets out a little scoff. “Figures you’d choose the most boring flavor in the whole place.”

“Hey, at least I didn’t choose vanilla.” Jensen defends his yogurt, a scowl on his lips.

“It’s just as bad,” Jared points out.

“Besides,” Jensen ignores him and continues his defense, drawing out the word. “I like chocolate, so deal with it.”

Jared just laughs, giving a slight shake of his head, and heads to what he refers to as the ‘goodies’ table. Jensen watches in amusement as Jared doctors up his yogurt, adding sprinkles and chocolate drops to it then topping it off with hot fudge. Jensen looks slightly disgusted but doesn’t say anything, raising his hands in a sign of innocence when Jared gives him a mock serious look and says, “Yes, you got something to say?”

Laughter catches their attention and they turn around to find Andrew watching their interaction with a smile on his face. “Bickering like a couple of girls,” the blue eyed man says with more laughter. “You two crack me up.”

“You’re just jealous ‘cause we have more fun doing nothing than you do,” Jared responds in good humor as he and Jensen place their bowls on the counter and Andrew weighs them, calculating out the price.

“So what are you two up to today?” Andrew asks curiously, keeping the conversation going as he works.

“Nothing special, really. Just hanging out,” Jared replies with a shrug of his shoulders. “Couldn’t really think of anything interesting to do, and when he said he’d never been here before I decided to drag his ass down to try out a little piece of heaven. At least it gave us something to do.”

“God, you guys sure know how to live, don’t ya?” Andrew responds dryly, giving them each a suffering look that makes Jared laugh and Jensen grin shyly. “Well I happened to hear about a small concert they’re putting together on the beach tonight, down by the pier. Not sure it’ll be anything good, but it could be something fun to do. You should consider checking it out.”

Jared cuts a glance at Jensen, eyebrows raised in silent question. “Sure, could be fun,” Jensen shrugs, smiling softly at the idea. “Just let me call the house and leave a message for Chad so he’ll know where I’m at.”

Jared just nods, tight smile on his face, and watches Jensen take a few steps away as he pulls out his cell phone. Andrew observes this quietly, taking note of Jared’s crestfallen expression and thinking back on the way his eyes lit up whenever he looked Jensen’s way. He gives a rueful shake of his head, sympathy for his love struck friend, and smiles regretfully when Jared finally turns his way.

Jared deadpans when he sees Andrew’s expression and releases a heavy sigh, cutting a glance at Jensen and keeping his voice low when he says, “That obvious, huh?”

“Boy, I’d have to be dumb, deaf and blind not to know what’s going on here,” Andrew keeps his voice just as low. “He’s dating Chad, huh? And you have feelings for him.”

“Unfortunately,” Jared confirms solemnly, giving a pathetic attempt at a smile. “He’s definitely off limits.”

“Sorry to hear that, I know how much unrequited love sucks,” Andrew sympathizes before glancing over at Jensen, a worried expression covering his features. “Just… look out for him. We all know Chad’s track record. Jensen’s a good kid from what I can tell, and I’d hate to see him get hurt.”

“I know, I’ve been worried about the same thing,” Jared says and then puts on a false smile when he sees Jensen heading their way once more. _Chad better not hurt him like he’s hurt all the others_ , Jared silently voices his concern as he and Jensen grab a table and sit down to eat their yogurt.

**:0Ж0:**

The concert area is fairly crowded by the time they arrive and further down the beach Jared can see a group of people have started a bonfire. The sun has just made its descent, the air still warm and sticky, but a soft breeze cools overheated skin.

Jared takes in a breath of the strong, salty air and follows Jensen onto the beach, quickly blending in with the crowd. He stays close to Jensen, keeping him in sight so he doesn’t lose him and the moment he sees the joyful smile on the light haired man’s face he knows they made the right choice in coming here. He briefly wonders if Jensen has had the time to explore and enjoy the many things LA has to offer since he moved here but he doesn’t ask.

Jensen nearly lights up like a kid on Christmas morning when he spots a concession stand selling snow cones. He looks to Jared, as though asking permission, and grins brightly when Jared gives a brief nod of his head. He watches in bemusement as Jensen hurries over to the concession stand, surprised by this side of Jensen he is only now getting to see, and then slowly makes his way over to him.

Jensen buys a cherry flavored snow cone while Jared decides on the blueberry, resigning himself to the fact that his mouth will be stained blue for the duration of the night. These icy cold treats are just too good to pass up though, so he figures it is a small price to pay. Jensen seems unconcerned as he bites into his, laughing because of the sudden shock of the cold and the juice that slides down his chin. Jared laughs, looking at the man next to him fondly.

“Sorry, I’m not usually a slob like this, it’s just been a while since I’ve had these and I’m a little too happy,” Jensen tells him with a sheepish grin as he wipes his chin.

“It’s alright, go ahead and make a fool of yourself, it’s entertaining me tremendously.” Jared teases and laughs joyfully when he gets smacked on the arm for his troubles.

They turn their attention to the stage when a soft guitar melody washes over crowd and they see a young girl center stage, strumming the guitar wrapped around her shoulder. She looks nervous as she glances over the crowd splayed out in front of her, but when she opens her mouth the words flow smooth and clear. Her soft voice speaks volumes to Jared, though she is speaking of a guy and a girl, and he can’t help looking at Jensen and interpreting the words as how he feels for the green eyed man.

The beat picks up once the chorus begins and Jared finds himself being pulled into the song when Jensen turns to him and asks if he’d like to talk a walk down the beach, maybe go check out that bonfire. Jared manages a nod of his head and they slowly draw away from the crowd, the music growing fainter the further they walk, but still within hearing distance. Jared is grateful to be away from the crowd, but kind of wishes they never left because it seems more intimate now that it is just the two of them.

“Thanks for spending the day with me Jared, I haven’t had this much fun since I got here.” Jensen speaks once they are a good few feet away from the concert, voice soft and sincere, a shy smile pulling at his plump lips as he looks up at Jared from beneath his lashes.

“What? You telling me Chad hasn’t shown you a good time since you started dating?” Jared says, masking the truth of the question by making it sound playful. He knows this is a subject he shouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole but he cannot seem to stop his mouth from forming the words until it is too late, unable to take them back.

“Well, when I first moved here I was preoccupied with finding work and a place to live, and then I met Chad. Don’t get me wrong, he knows how to show you a good time, but all our dates were things he wanted to do, places he liked, and I never spoke up and asked if we could do something I liked for once. It’s my own fault really,” Jensen says with a shrug, like it doesn’t matter, though Jared can tell that it definitely does.

Jensen stops walking and looks up at Jared, a soft smile on his face and warmth in his eyes, pulling Jared in to the point where he loses all coherent thought. “I guess I just wanted to thank you for showing me a good time, showing me the lighter side of LA. I’ve had a great time and I think we should do this again sometime. I like spending time with you,” he admits shyly, biting his lip.

Jared isn’t thinking when he reaches out, wrapping a palm around Jensen’s neck and pulling the man toward him. His lips are an inch from claiming the ones he has desired from the moment he saw them when Jensen places a palm flat against his chest and pulls away gently. Jared is definitely thinking now, silently cursing himself, because everything was going so well and he just had to go and screw it up.

“I can’t Jared,” Jensen tells him with honest regret in his eyes. “As much as I want to… I just can’t, I’m sorry. I’m not a cheater.”

“It’s not just me though, is it? I’m not the only one that can feel this connection between us, this attraction. I’m not, am I?” Jared asks, voice weak and lost, desperate and sad.

“No,” Jensen answers after a moment of silence. “It’s not just you.”

Jared nods his head and reluctantly releases Jensen from his hold, watching as the man takes a step back, not leaving just putting space between them. Jared turns his head to stare at the bonfire as he listens to the song once more, light dancing across his face, his heart melancholic and burdened with the pain of feelings not within his control.

Somehow, knowing that Jensen is attracted to him in return doesn’t make him feel any better about all this. They are both attracted to one another, want to explore this, but cannot do a thing about it. There is nothing nice about the situation they have found themselves in and Jared isn’t sure, but he thinks having Jensen not return his feelings would be easier to deal with somehow.

Jared grins sadly to himself as the song comes to a finish, watching Jensen from his peripheral vision, and wishes his situation would come to the same conclusion as the fairytale romance that this young girl sang about.


	3. Chapter 3

-~*~-  
Part Three  
-~*~-

  
Between work and spending time with Jensen, a month flies by before Jared even realizes it and when he takes a step back long enough to think about it, he has to admit he is quite surprised. He hasn’t spent nearly as much time with Sandy as he usually does and he can’t help feeling guilty about it. She is his best friend after all, and he hopes she doesn’t think he is intentionally ignoring her or anything, because he isn’t. It is just that he is either so busy working or spending his time with Jensen that he has little time for much else. He knows that is no excuse for ignoring his best friend but it is the only one he’s got.

This makes him think that maybe he is spending _too_ much time with Jensen though, and he should make time for his other friends, namely Sandy. He and Jensen have grown quite close over the past month and, although it is hard on Jared considering his feelings for the guy, he finds that he really enjoys Jensen’s company. They get along really well, have a lot in common, and it feels like they have been friends forever rather than just a month. You rarely see one without the other and people have started asking where Jensen is when he just so happens to be flying solo that day.

Jared drops in to see Jensen at work nearly every day during his lunch break, sitting at a table close to the front counter and enjoying friendly conversation when Jensen isn’t tending to a customer. Jensen has stopped by the bookstore on occasion as well, bringing coffee and Danish pastries. Other times they will hang out at Jensen’s house or Jensen will drop by, sometimes unexpectedly, at Jared’s place with a pizza and a case of beer in hand. They have fallen into quite the routine, one that both of them are happy with.

Things were a little awkward after Jared nearly kissed Jensen and he honestly hadn’t expected anything different, but they quickly overcame it and the subject was never brought up again. They put the whole thing behind them, where it belonged, and Jared was so very grateful for it. He had been afraid it would always be there, like a barrier between them, but he is glad his fears were unfounded.

So, things couldn’t be working out better with Jensen, but Jared is losing touch with his other friends, as few as they may be, and he knows that isn’t right. He realizes he needs to touch base with them again, let them know he hasn’t fallen off the face of the earth, that he isn’t ignoring them on purpose and that he plans to start being a better friend from now on. Thankfully, Sandy doesn’t hold grudges, so he is pretty sure he can worm his way back into her good graces. She might be upset at first but she never stays mad at him for long. As for Mike and Tom, well, they aren’t people he usually keeps in touch with on a regular basis anyway, but he still makes a mental note to give them a call sometime soon.

Parking his car along the curb of Sandy’s apartment complex, he shuts off the engine and climbs out of the car, an order of take out in hand. He takes the stairs two at a time, nervous anticipation flowing through his veins, and knocks on the door once it is within reach. He stands there for a moment, running a hand through his hair, and smiles sheepishly once the door opens. Sandy looks at him blankly, arms crossed over her chest, and making no move to step aside and let him in. Jared bites his lip and raises the bag of Mexican take out as a peace offering.

Sandy stares at him for a moment longer, silently contemplating, and when she lets out a sigh Jared knows she has given in. She finally steps aside with a deadpan expression on her face and Jared brushes past her, taking the food to the kitchen and placing it on the counter. Sandy joins him a moment later and checks out the contents of each container as Jared retrieves a couple forks from the drawer. She grabs the beef burrito smothered in cheese with uncontained glee, leaving Jared with the enchilada, also smothered in cheese.

They take their food into the living room and take a seat on the couch. Jared places his container on the coffee table and leans forward to eat while Sandy cuddles into the corner of the couch, feet nestled beneath her. Jared can’t hide his grin when she digs her fork into her burrito and makes a blissed out expression when she takes a hefty bite.

“Oh God, this is good,” she moans around a mouth full of burrito and gives Jared a small smile. “You’re still not off the hook for cutting me out of your life for nearly a month! But… this is a start.”

Jared just gives an amused shake of his head, laughing quietly, and watches as Sandy devours her burrito in earnest. He knows how much she loves these burritos, so buying her one can ensure that she will forgive you for nearly anything. Jared has learned that she can’t stay mad at you for long if you bring her one of her favorite foods. His puppy look doesn’t seem quite as effective on her anymore but food never fails him.

They allow a comfortable quiet to descend upon them as they eat their food, the television on at a low volume so it isn’t completely silent in the small living room. Jared simply allows himself to enjoy his friend’s presence, realizing just how much he missed her and feeling a bout of guilt for, unintentionally, ignoring her. Now that he knows he is being a crappy friend though, he can do his best to change it.

Once they are finished eating, Sandy takes their empty containers to the kitchen and throws them away before returning with two sodas in hand. She hands one to Jared before plopping back down onto the couch, pulling her feet beneath her once more and getting comfortable. Jared thanks her with his eyes and pops the tab, taking a hefty swallow.

“So, what’s your excuse for not seeing your best friend in nearly a month?” Sandy asks, reaching out to wipe her mouth with a napkin and tossing him a disapproving but curious glance.

“You’re not going to let me forget that it’s been almost a month, are you?” Jared asks with a sigh, giving her his patented puppy look.

“Not a chance,” she responds gleefully, a bright smile aimed his way. “Now, tell me what’s kept you away so long.”

Jared admits defeat then, knowing prior that he wasn’t going to get out of this conversation, and puts his soda down on the coffee table before turning to face his best friend. “I’ve been busy with work, hoping like crazy that my uncle hires someone to fill Justin and Milo’s positions soon before I drop dead. You know how picky he is though, and I’ve had to do extra shifts. I’m starting to wear myself out,” Jared tells her with a low chuckle.

He isn’t lying at all, though he wishes he were. His uncle really is finicky about who he hires; it has been almost a full month since Justin and Milo quit and still they haven’t found anyone to fill their positions. There have been some good prospects, ones Jared wouldn’t think twice about hiring, or at least giving them a trial period, if it were his shop. His uncle wasn’t impressed with any of them however, so that leaves all his employees with extra shifts to make up for the loss. Mainly Jared and Allison are working their asses off, but their fellow employees have had to put in more hours than usual as well.

“Okay, I get that you’ve been busy at work, I know how that goes, but that’s no excuse for not picking up the phone once in a while to give your _best friend_ a call.” She stresses the ‘best friend’ part with her voice and a stern look and Jared feels guilty for thinking that excuse would be enough for her. He knows she deserves the whole truth and it’s the least he can do. “You used to call me before, when you had a stressful week at work, so don’t think you’re getting off that easy. Who are you spending your time with if it isn’t me?”

Jared really doesn’t want to admit this part to her, doesn’t want to see that expression cross her face when he bares the truth. _Maybe because she wouldn’t approve_ , he tells himself silently, imagining the response he would receive, the disapproval and sympathy he would find within her eyes. He knows he is being reckless, shouldn’t be spending so much time with Jensen, but that doesn’t mean he is going to stop and he really doesn’t need her telling him everything that he already knows.

“Well, if you must know, I’ve been spending a lot of time with Jensen,” Jared finally says, unable to keep the defensive edge out of his voice. He doesn’t feel like he is doing anything wrong, and he doesn’t need her disapproval. _If you feel you’re not doing anything wrong then why are you getting defensive?_ an infuriating voice in the back of his mind asks mockingly and he cringes at the truth of those words.

Sandy just stares at him blankly for a moment, acting as if she didn’t hear him though they both know she did. “Please tell me you’re not being serious,” she finally responds, looking at him imploringly.

Jared just shrugs his shoulders, going for nonchalance but the movement is more jerky than casual. “I don’t see what the big deal is. I’ve gotten to know Jensen since I met him, realized we have a lot in common and we enjoy each other’s company. We’ve become fast friends.”

“You don’t see what the big deal is?” Sandy repeats his words with wide, disbelieving eyes. “Are you shitting me? This is a very big deal! The big deal is your very serious crush on the guy.”

“Sure, hanging out with him isn’t always easy, I never expected it to be, but I do enjoy being with him. We have fun together, and it’s nice having another Texan around that shares so many of my interests. We get along really well Sandy, why can’t you understand that?” Jared asks in frustration, running a hand through his hair and giving her an annoyed look. “Why are you giving me such a hard time about this? Are you trying to tell me I should stop being his friend, just like that?”

“I’m not saying you shouldn’t be friends with him Jared but I’m worried about you.” Sandy lets out a heavy sigh as she says this, looking at him with those damn sympathy filled eyes of hers. “Do you think spending so much time with him is in your best interest? You’re not exactly going to get over him if you spend all your time with him. You‘re just punishing yourself this way, you have to see that. I mean, being friendly is one thing, but spending _this_ much time with him? I know you Jay, its gotta be killing you.”

“Sure, it’s hard, I ain’t denying that, but… I like him Sandy, I like him a lot,” Jared admits but there is a frustrated tone to his voice, a desperation pleading with her to understand. “My feelings are growing stronger every day, and while I know that isn’t a good thing, I can’t just cut him out of my life now, and I don’t want to. Besides, I know he’s off limits, he’s dating Chad after all, and I’m not going to come between them, no matter how much I wish I could.”

“Shit, you’re falling hard for him.” Sandy says this as though she just realized it, laying a consoling hand on his arm.

“Yeah, I think I’m in love with him,” Jared admits, sad smile pulling at his lips. “But we’re just friends, and I’m content with that. I like him _that_ much just having him in my life, as my friend, is enough for me.”

“I sure hope you know what you’re doing Jared,” she says with worried eyes and Jared nods his head in response.

“So do I,” he mutters under his breath, knowing he is in too deep to turn back now.

**:0Ж0:**

The better part of his day was busy but now that he only has an hour left of his shift it seems to be dragging by slowly. There hasn’t been one customer walk through their door and the one time they got their hopes up, it was only a tourist needing directions. Jared is bored out of his mind and there is nothing he can do about it. Even Allison is looking a little frustrated now that she isn’t throwing up every time she turns around. He thinks he just may go insane if something doesn’t happen soon and it looks like Allison is just a step away from the same fate.

Jared looks up, bored expression on his face, when the bell above the door chimes and he can’t stop a smile from covering his features when he sees Jensen heading his way with two cups of coffee in hand. Jared stands up immediately, abandoning his slouched position, and grins brightly when Jensen hands one of the cups to him. He breathes in the rich scent of the coffee before taking a large swallow and thanking Jensen over and over.

“I’m guessing you could use this pick-me-up then.” Jensen chuckles as he watches Jared practically salivate over his caramel macchiato.

Jared groans while giving Jensen a suffering look. “You have no idea,” he sighs unhappily. “We’ve been busy as hell today, customers left and right, but about an hour ago the foot traffic died down and we’ve been sitting on our asses bored out of our minds.”

“So I came just in time, right?” Jensen responds with a soft laugh as he leans against the counter. “Don’t think I’m going to be that great of company, sorry. I’ve had a hell of a day myself and I’m wiped out man.”

“Doesn’t matter, you always have something to talk about, so I’m glad you’re here.”

Out of his peripheral vision Jared sees the look Allison sends his way and wonders if he is being too obvious. Everyone knows how he feels about Jensen, Jensen included, and he can’t help but wonder if he’s being too flirtatious without even meaning to. He never would have thought twice before about what he said to Jensen or what he did, but ever since his conversation with Sandy, he is constantly second guessing himself and looking more closely at his actions. It is driving him insane and he is beginning to regret ever talking to Sandy because at least then he wouldn’t be so awkward and worried all the time.

Jensen is talking about the day he has had but Jared can’t focus on a word he is saying. Instead his eyes are drawn to the way Jensen’s mouth moves, the way it forms words and drawls them out at random times, pieces of his accent slipping in here and there like it hasn’t done in months. Unconsciously he moves onto Jensen’s eyes, those startling green irises bright in the dimly lit book shop, sparking with life as Jensen talks about a particularly funny part of his day. Don’t ask Jared what is so funny, he still is having a difficult time focusing on Jensen’s words, but he is mesmerized by the way those green eyes shine with happiness and amusement. He has never seen more expressive eyes in his life, they are just amazing to him.

Allison is laughing along with Jensen, filling the conversation where Jared is lacking, and sending Jared worried looks here and there, careful not to let Jensen see. He knows he is being obvious and he should stop but he just can’t help it. He doesn’t know what he would say if Jensen caught on to the fact that Jared is more engrossed with staring, but he just can’t force his eyes away. He realizes he is weak and pathetic and he can’t help thinking that maybe Sandy had a point.

He is in way over his head here, and maybe spending so much time with Jensen is not such a good idea. His feelings aren’t getting any easier to deal with and he knows it will just get harder the longer he allows this to continue. But, he doesn’t know how to break away without hurting Jensen in the process. Not to mention he meant what he told Sandy; he really does enjoy Jensen’s company and he likes being his friend. He’s not so sure he could give that up now.

“I’m just glad the day is over and I can go home and relax.” Jared tunes in to the last part of Jensen’s conversation and gives a nod of his head in agreement, grateful that Jensen didn’t notice _this_ part of the conversation was all Jared heard.

“You just gonna have a night in with Chad?” Jared asks and immediately wants to hit himself. _I just enjoy torturing myself, don’t I?_ he mocks himself inwardly.

“No, I’ll be on my own for most of the night,” Jensen answers with a soft smile and a shake of his head. “Chad’s got some last minute late shooting to do for his show, so it’ll just be me. I’ll probably be in bed before he even gets home.”

Jared’s brow scrunches up in confusion. “They do that often? Have late night shoots, I mean?”

“Not usually, but the director called and said they decided to do some scenes earlier than planned, to get them out of the way.” Jensen responds with a nonchalant shrug, like this has happened before and he isn’t too surprised.

Something about that just isn’t sitting right with Jared though. He doesn’t want to think this way about his friend, but he knows how Chad is and he can’t help being a little suspicious of him. It could be just what Jensen said it is, a late night shoot, yet Jared can’t help but doubt that. He knows Jensen and Chad haven’t spent that much time together since the blond started filming, and now this? Chad isn’t known for being the most faithful guy and Jared hopes to hell his idiot friend isn’t cheating on Jensen, because that would be the stupidest thing he could ever do.

Jared is pulled from his thoughts when the bell above the door chimes once more and he barely stops himself in time from scowling when he finds Chad standing in the doorway. He manages to put a friendly smile on his face though as his friend approaches the counter, not looking entirely surprised to see Jensen here. Chad just sidles up to the counter, leaning into Jensen’s personal space, and gives Jared a smile in response.

“Hey dude, been a while since I’ve seen you, thought I’d drop by for a bit,” Chad explains without Jared even having to ask him.

“I know man. So tell me, you don’t even know how to pick up the phone anymore?” Jared teases gently, not really in the mood for it but not wanting Chad to notice how awkward he is feeling at the moment either.

“I would have dude, but I’ve been so fuckin’ busy on set. Besides, I could say the same to you, since it’s a two-way street after all. You could have picked up the phone at any time too,” Chad points out with a raised eyebrow and a smug expression.

“Yeah I know, we’re both at fault here.”

“And don’t you forget it,” Chad laughs and just like that the subject is dropped and the tension momentarily dissipates.

“Well, I’m gonna let you guys catch up,” Jensen speaks, drawing attention to himself. “I’m just gonna head home, get a shower, and try to figure out what I’m going to do tonight.”

“You could swing by my place if you want; pizza and action flicks. How does that sound?” Jared suggests before he can stop himself. _Yep, I truly am a masochist_ , he tells himself despondently.

Jensen smiles warmly. “Sounds like a plan to me. You know I can’t turn down movies where there’s plenty of blowing shit up. I’ll bring the pizza and show up around six. Is that good for you?”

Jared nods in agreement and then has to look away when Chad pulls Jensen in for a quick kiss. Allison gives him a small smile filled with pity and he feels like tearing his hair out because he knows he is doing this to himself. The smart thing to do would be to distance himself from Jensen and hope that his feelings eventually fade, but he just can’t seem to break away.

He turns back to Chad when Jensen finally leaves and tries his best to act normal, to not let on to the fact that he is jealous as hell of his best friend. This whole thing is really starting to mess with his friendship with Chad though and he hates it. He doesn’t quite know how to act around the blond anymore, he is always so afraid Chad will see his feelings painted on his face.

Not to mention there are times when he just wants to shake Chad to knock some sense into him because Jared gets the feeling his friend doesn’t realize just how great he has it. Chad has everything Jared wishes he could have but he doesn’t act like he appreciates it, spending more and more time away from Jensen. Jared has noticed that Chad doesn’t smile like a man in love, he smiles like he is only doing it because it is expected of him, and he doesn’t look at Jensen like he is the only one in the room anymore.

 _Maybe the idea of a real relationship has worn off and he’s realizing it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be_ , Jared assumes but can’t be sure. Either way, he thinks Chad is an idiot if he can’t see what is right in front of him, can’t see how special Jensen is.

Jensen has confided in Jared on more than one occasion, saying how he feels like Chad is falling out of love with him and he doesn’t know how to feel about it. Jared has never quite understood what he meant by that because of the way Jensen says it, an unnamed emotion in his tone that always makes Jared’s breath hitch in his throat. He can’t tell whether Jensen is upset or not about the way his relationship is going and it drives Jared crazy whenever he thinks about it.

“So, how are things going on set? Is it everything you hoped it would be?” Jared asks, figuring this is a safe topic.

Chad perks up at the mention of his show and Jared can’t help but smile when he sees it. “Yeah dude, it’s really awesome! I really like my character, and it’s really interesting putting myself in his head. Plus everyone on set is really cool and we’ve all become good friends. Working with Soph kinda helped me to not feel so alone there though, and…”

“Wait a minute,” Jared interrupts in a clipped tone, narrowing his eyes at Chad suspiciously. “Soph? That wouldn’t be Sophia Bush, would it? Please tell me it’s not her Chad.”

Chad takes on a defensive stance, back stiff, and Jared knows right away that he has his answer. “So what if it is? You got a problem with Sophia, Jare? ‘Cause, you know, I always thought you two got along just fine. What did she ever do to you?”

“I don’t have any problems with Sophia, she’s a very sweet girl, but I do have a problem with your history with her,” Jared says in a tone that shows he isn’t playing around and that Chad better not bullshit him. “We both know how you felt about her, how torn up you were when she broke up with you. You loved her Chad, and back then you would have done anything to get her back. Now you’re working together and you’ve got that gleam in your eyes again.”

“Are you trying to imply that I’d cheat on Jen?” Chad asks lowly, eyes narrowed and borderline hostile. Jared curses softly under his breath, getting a bad feeling but hoping to hell he is wrong.

“I’m not saying you are,” Jared says gently but the edge never leaves his voice. “But I am hoping you’re not thinking about messing things up with Jen and breaking his heart because he’s a great guy and he doesn’t deserve to be treated this way. Don’t let Sophia come between you but, even more, don’t string him along if she already has.”

“Look Jared, I appreciate you looking out for my relationship, I really do, but this doesn’t concern you and it certainly is none of your business. I don’t need a lecture and I definitely don’t need you accusing me for no good reason,” Chad tells him just as lowly as before, but his eyes are screaming at Jared. “This is between me and Jensen so I’d appreciate it if you stay the hell out of it.”

Jared tries to apologize - though he still isn’t entirely convinced he is wrong - but Chad pushes away from the counter and, with one last glare, storms out of the book shop. All Jared can do is watch him go and is left with the feeling of being the bad guy. He hadn’t meant to accuse is friend of anything, but he knows how Chad can be and he knows how much he loved Sophia. The way Chad’s eyes lit up as he talked about Sophia set off warning bells in Jared’s brain and he was unnerved by it. It told him that Chad isn’t over his ex and that bodes badly for his relationship with Jensen.

The last thing Jared wants to see is Jensen get hurt. It is hard to see him with Chad, hard to see them act like a couple, but he would gladly do that rather than see Jensen get hurt. He really doesn’t want to believe Chad could cheat on Jensen, but the sad fact is he isn’t sure his friend wouldn’t, despite what he says. Fact of the matter is rules don’t apply when it comes to Sophia, and Chad simply doesn’t think rationally as far as she is concerned. Jared’s afraid of what repercussions that could have.

“Don’t start blaming yourself for upsetting him, Jared,” Allison says gently, sending a worried glance toward the door. “I saw the look in his eyes too, and I don’t think you’re wrong to be worried. And while I’m not saying he’s cheated on Jensen, he did get rather defensive, and I wouldn’t put it past him to at least have _thought_ about it.”

“I hope we’re wrong Allie. For Jensen’s sake, I hope we’re wrong,” he says solemnly.

**:0Ж0:**

Jensen shows up five minutes past six o’clock with a smile on his face and a pizza balanced on his right hand. He raises his hand, displaying the pizza, the moment Jared opens the door and asks Jared if he is ready to kick back. Jared can’t help but grin at Jensen’s enthusiasm, momentarily forgetting about his conversation with Chad, and opens his door wider for Jensen to enter.

The light haired man is attacked almost immediately by Sadie and Harley and it’s a miracle he doesn’t drop the pizza with the way they are jumping all over him. Jared’s babies get over excited every time Jensen comes over and Jared can’t help but tease him, saying it isn’t fair how they like him more than Jared. Jensen always smiles in response, saying they just have good taste, and then proceeds to play with the dogs for a full five minutes or so. Jared isn’t joking entirely though, his babies do love Jensen and Jared thinks they think of him as their second daddy which never fails to put a smile on his face.

Jensen puts the pizza on the kitchen counter and grabs two paper plates from the cupboard while Jared retrieves two beers from the fridge. He hands one off to Jensen and they each fill their plates with pizza before moving on to the living room where Jared has everything set up for a night of movies. Jared has a stack of action movies laid out on the coffee table, all consisting of the best explosion scenes in Jared’s opinion, and he tells Jensen to pick one. Used to the routine by now, Jensen browses through the list of titles briefly before handing a DVD over to Jared.

Jared grins when he sees that Jensen chose SWAT and he pops in the DVD before sitting down beside Jensen. They sit in companionable silence for a while as they eat and get involved in the first ten minutes of the movie. Everyone knows Jared can’t sit still for long without talking though, so it is inevitable when he strikes up a conversation. Jensen doesn’t seem to mind though, as he quickly picks up his end of the conversation.

Pretty soon the movie is just playing as background noise since they are facing one another on the couch, immersed entirely in their conversation and talking amicably. The get up at random times to get more beers, taking turns, and Jared knows they will be drunk before the night is over but he can’t bring himself to care. The night is turning out better than he thought it would and he couldn’t be happier to sit here with Jensen and forget about all the issues between them.

**:0Ж0:**

“Dude, how much have you had to drink?” Jared laughs then frowns when it comes out sounding more like a giggle. _That couldn’t have come from my mouth_ , he tells himself. But with the way Jensen is laughing at him, yep, that’s definitely what it sounded like.

“Obviously not as much as you,” Jensen grins and licks his lips, Jared’s eyes tracking the movement against his own volition and unconsciously licking his own lips in turn. “Speaking of which, I need another.”

Jared watches as Jensen stumbles to his feet, swaying slightly as he does, and walks unsteadily to the kitchen. Jared calls out to him from the living room, asking Jensen to bring another for him as well, as he relaxes back into the couch and enjoys the pleasant buzz he’s got going on.

Jensen returns moments later, two beers in hand, and drops back down onto the couch with a grateful sigh. Jared grabs one of the beers for himself and opens it with the bottle opener Mike got him for Christmas. He swallows half of the bottle down before placing it on the coffee table, letting out a loud belch and sending a lazy smile Jensen’s way. Jensen looks amused but he doesn’t comment.

“Man, it feels nice to just relax and have a few beers. Thanks for inviting me tonight,” Jensen says with a soft smile, reaching out to lightly punch Jared on the arm. “I always have such a good time when I come over here.”

“Yeah, well, I enjoy your company Jen, so you saved me from a very uneventful night,” Jared responds honestly, grabbing his beer once more and raising it in a salute.

“You’re a great friend Jay,” Jensen says quietly and Jared jumps when he realizes how close Jensen is. _Huh, when did that happen?_ His hazy brain can’t put the connections together but he likes having the other man so close, close enough to smell the conditioner he used.

“Well, I try to be,” Jared replies after a moment, doing his best to play the compliment off as a joke, knowing he will start blushing if he doesn’t.

Jensen doesn’t say anything in response, just stares intently at Jared with a softness and warmth in his eyes that causes Jared’s heart to increase its rhythm. Jared quickly becomes aware of how close they are, barely an inch between them, and his palms begin to sweat. He knows he should move away, knows something bad will happen if he doesn’t, but his traitorous body refuses to get with the program. He can feel Jensen’s breath washing over the side of his face, can feel his body heat warming his side, and he can feel certain parts of his body responding eagerly.

Jared’s voice trembles when he asks if there is something on his face, chuckling nervously, but Jensen just grins and doesn’t offer an explanation for his staring. He doesn’t even look embarrassed by it, and he doesn’t look away, like Jared had been hoping for. _I am well and truly screwed_ , Jared thinks as he feels himself leaning more into Jensen’s side. His brain is screaming at him, telling him how wrong this is and he needs to stop it now, but his body yearns for something completely different.

Jared’s breath catches in his throat when Jensen closes the space between them and a brief moment later their lips are touching, not kissing per se, just kind of an experimental touch. Jared’s voice of reason flies out the window the moment Jensen crosses that invisible line and he just throws himself into it, framing Jensen’s face with his hands and adding pressure to their touching lips.

Jensen groans against his lips, sending a thrill through his body, and they open their mouths nearly at the same time. Jared slips his tongue into Jensen’s awaiting mouth, taking quick control of the kiss. Their tongues twist and twine together, caressing sensually, and Jared nearly moans out loud when Jensen pulls back and begins nipping and sucking his bottom lip. Kissing Jensen is better than he ever could have imagined; those lips certainly know what they are doing.

Jared can’t be sure how it happened; all he knows is one minute they are facing each other on the couch and the next he is on his back with Jensen straddling his hips. Jared’s hazy mind isn’t going to question it though and he lets his body take over, slipping a hand between them and finding a hardness between Jensen’s legs that equals his own. Jensen groans above him, pushing his hips against Jared’s hand and moaning out loud when Jared palms him through his jeans.

Jensen’s hand doesn’t stay idle for long, making quick work of Jared’s pants before slipping inside to wrap around Jared’s leaking cock. Jared’s mind completely shuts down at this point and all he knows is the pleasure coursing through his body. His own hand speeds up, rubbing Jensen through layers of clothing, knowing this couldn’t possibly be enough but encouraged with every gasp and moan that escapes Jensen’s kiss swollen lips.

“Oh God, Jared,” Jensen moans in a wrecked voice when he tears his lips away from Jared’s, looking down at him with lust blown eyes. “Please… I need more… I… I want you inside me.”

With these words Jared sobers up; it is like a bucket full of ice water has been dumped on his head and he jerks away from Jensen immediately, pushing the other man off of him and trying to ignore the look of hurt he receives for it. He can’t even look at Jensen as he zips up his pants and runs a hand through his hair, cursing himself for losing control like this.

“We can’t do this Jensen, God what were we thinking?” Jared can feel himself starting to panic and the sick feeling in his stomach increases tenfold when Jensen tells him that he just can’t ignore this thing between them anymore.

“We have to,” Jared tells him regretfully. “You’re with my friend, there’s just no way we can be together, even though we want to. And you’re not a cheater, remember, you told me that yourself. I sure as hell ain’t going to let you start with me, either. I can’t do this to Chad, despite the douche bag he can be, and I know you don’t want to hurt him this way either.”

Jensen lets out a heavy sigh and rubs at his face tiredly. “You’re right, I’m not a cheater and Chad doesn’t deserve this. But… but I’m falling in love with you Jared, and I can’t just ignore it anymore. Chad’s great, but I don’t love him like I used to, and I really want to be with you.”

Jared stands and turns away, not wanting to hear this. It’s funny, all along this was the only thing he wanted to hear, but now that those wonderful words have been made a reality, he knows there is nothing they can do about it. Doesn’t matter if Jensen wants to be with him now, Jared can’t hurt his friend like this, by stealing his boyfriend. It hurts but he knows it’s the right thing to do. Sometimes it sucks being such a loyal friend.

Jensen steps up behind him, not touching but Jared can feel his body heat. “I’m not going to cheat on Chad, that’s not the type of person I am, but I know I don’t want to be with him anymore. You’re the one I want to be with Jay, and I’m going to break up with him first thing tomorrow.”

Jared turns around finally, a sad smile playing on his lips. “Don’t do that Jen, because even if you did, it wouldn’t change anything,” Jared tells him sorrowfully and moves on to explain when Jensen gives him a confused look. “Chad is my friend, I’ve known him a long time, and I’m not going to do anything to hurt him. You mean everything to me, I can’t deny that, but I’m not going to hurt Chad by stealing his boyfriend right from under him. I can’t, and I won’t. I’m sorry, really I am, but… I’m just sorry.”

Jensen’s lip trembles as he smiles sadly and nods his head in understanding. “So, what now?” he asks, taking a deep breath.

This is the part Jared regrets most about what he has to do. “I don’t think we can hang out anymore Jen,” he forces himself to say, fighting like hell to keep his voice from wavering.

Jensen’s eyes widen in disbelief and he takes a step back. Jared can feel his heart breaking with each step Jensen takes, with each tear that slides down the man’s face. “You don’t even want to be friends anymore?”

“I can’t be your friend Jen, it’s just too hard. You know how hard it is, you’re in the same situation as me. And who knows if this would happen again,” Jared gestures to the couch, referring to what happened between them, “if we continue hanging out. We can’t risk it, I hope you understand that.”

For moment it looks like Jensen is going to say something, opening his mouth and closing it repeatedly, but in the end he stays completely silent, hurt eyes never straying from Jared’s. Letting out a sigh, Jared tells Jensen that he can stay the night because he doesn’t feel right letting him leave when he is as intoxicated as he is, and is a little worried by how compliant Jensen is when he allows Jared to lead him to the guest room.

Jared watches until Jensen lies down on the bed and curls up on his side before whispering “Goodnight Jen,” and closing the door behind him. His body feels weighted down as he makes his way into his own room and sits down, feeling as though his heart has been ripped out by his own hands. When he eventually lies down he knows sleep won’t be coming any time soon and he lies awake for hours, simply staring up at the ceiling and thinking his life couldn’t get much worse.

 

When Jared wakes up the next morning Jensen is already gone.


	4. Chapter 4

-~*~-  
Part Four  
-~*~-

  
For the past month and a half Jared has thrown himself into work, taking all the extra shifts his uncle will allow him to without asking too many questions, and has spent all his available free time with Sandy. It isn’t exactly ideal, and it probably isn’t all that healthy, but it helps to keep his mind off Jensen for the most part and that is all he can ask for. Sandy is worried about him of course, along with Allison, saying that working himself to death won’t solve anything, but he just doesn’t know how else to deal with it.

A few days after Jensen left his house sometime in the early morning hours the man dropped by Jared’s apartment unexpectedly, trying once more to work things out between them. Jared hadn’t wanted to listen to him though, knowing he might not be strong enough to turn Jensen away if the man offered his heart on a plate to Jared. He didn’t let Jensen get much of a word in, telling Jensen that he wouldn’t betray his friend, even for him. Jensen hadn’t been happy, obviously hoping Jared had changed his mind once he sobered up, but that certainly hadn’t been the case. Jared was firm and he didn’t back down from his decision, though it killed him every step of the way.

He had refused to hear Jensen out, politely asking him to leave and not make this any harder on either of them than it already was, and eventually Jensen left. Jared hasn’t seen the man since and he’s feeling his absence like a missing limb. He had never truly realized how much of a part of his life Jensen had become until the man was no longer around. There have been times that Jared has regretted his decision, for not giving in to what they both clearly desire and for cutting all ties, ending their close friendship. He always reminds himself that he did the right thing though, and when that doesn’t lift his spirits he busies himself with whatever is available just to get these thoughts off his mind.

He hasn’t spoken to Chad very often either, save for the three times the blond has randomly shown up at Jared’s work. The initial awkwardness he felt around his friend eventually faded, knowing he was no longer doing anything bad helped their friendship a lot, and he has hope that one day he can put this behind him and be the friend he once was. He still hasn’t worked up the nerve to visit Chad at his house - knowing Jensen will be there makes his stomach tie up in knots - but he knows he will have to get over that because he can’t avoid his friend’s place forever. It wouldn’t be fair to Chad, and he really just wants things to go back to normal.

He hopes that isn’t too much to ask for.

He has reverted back to his old daily routine of going to work and getting his coffee from Starbucks, ignoring all urges to step inside the Water Canyon coffee shop and refusing to sit around in hopes of catching a glimpse of Jensen. Things have gone back to normal in that respect and at times it feels good. He won’t deny that he misses heading over there on his lunch breaks and talking with Jensen while he works, but it is something he simply cannot do and he knows it. It’s not always easy but he has managed to control himself so far, and that is all that matters.

He is just glad Jensen hasn’t showed up again, because he was a little afraid the guy wouldn’t give up so easily. He seriously doesn’t know what he would have done if Jensen fought him on his decision, because he knows how shitty his will power is; he is pretty sure he would have caved at some point and then he would have come to hate himself.

He didn’t exactly leave Jensen with much of a choice though, he supposes. There’s really only so much rejection a person can take, and a person as sensitive as Jensen? Yeah, Jared isn’t surprised Jensen gave up so easily. Jared made it perfectly clear he would never do anything to hurt Chad, not even for Jensen, and that also meant they couldn’t be friends anymore. It really hurt him to make that decision, cutting Jensen out of his life completely, like a junkie going cold turkey. But Jared really didn’t see how he had much choice. Being around Jensen was just getting to be too hard, and after what happened at his house, it would have only become more difficult.

 _I had no choice damn it_ , Jared tells himself for the millionth time, wondering when his heart will actually start to believe it.

** :0Ж0: **

The day is perfect for walking his babies and Jared takes full advantage of it, tugging Sandy along even though she bitched for a full ten minutes. The fact that petite Sandy is getting dragged by Harley just makes it better in Jared’s opinion and he can’t help but laugh as he watches her try to calm the overexcited dog. Harley acts like an overgrown pup most of the time, where as Sadie is much more subdued, and he knows if he were a good friend he would have let Sandy walk Sadie; obviously he is not because his enjoyment over his best friend’s frustration is too good to pass up.

Sandy scowls at him as she tightens her hand on the leash, stumbling slightly when Harley gets a little overzealous, and Jared finally decides to take pity on her when he sees that she is at the end of her rope. He really doesn’t want Sandy taking her frustration out on him - he doesn’t have a death wish - and he can see that she has clearly had enough. A break is definitely in order, and lucky for them the park is only a few steps away.

He tells Sandy to hold out just a little bit longer, ignoring her withering glare, and leads her over to an available bench. Sandy sits down with a grateful sigh, frowning down at her feet, which Jared is sure are killing her right about now. Taking their leashes off, Harley dashes off right away while Sadie sticks by Jared’s side, the ever loyal dog that she is. Harley doesn’t wander off too far, stopping a few feet away when Jared yells at him, and settles with making Jared play fetch with him.

“What I don’t do for you Jared,” Sandy whines unhappily as she looks pitifully at her feet for a bit longer before raising her eyes to glare at him, though he can see a shine of amusement in her eyes. “Don’t let me ever hear you say I don’t love you, ‘cause I definitely wouldn’t kill my feet for anyone else and I sure as hell wouldn’t let a dog on speed drag me around for an hour.”

“You love Harley, don’t deny it!” Jared laughs gleefully, nudging Sandy in the side and grinning evilly when she squirms and yells at him. It is not his fault she is so ticklish though so she can’t blame him for using it to his advantage.

“So, what are your plans for tomorrow?” Sandy asks after rolling her eyes but doing nothing to deny his statement. “I was thinking we should go see a movie, you know, like we used to.”

Jared gives her an honestly regretful smile and shakes his head. “Sorry Sandy, I can’t, I have to work tomorrow until closing.”

Sandy lets out a sigh as she gives him a disapproving look, looking so very much like a scolding mother that Jared is tempted to apologize. “Please tell me you’re not serious,” she says in exasperation and Jared just looks away sheepishly, a touch ashamed. “You’ve been working your ass off for the past month Jared and no one is making you, you’re doing this to yourself. It’s Saturday, you usually take that day off, if not the whole weekend. Don’t you think you’re taking this a bit too far?”

“Look, it’s not like I don’t want to go to the movies with you, that would be awesome,” Jared tells her softly, hoping to placate her anyway he can. “But I’ve already told my uncle I’d work and I can’t exactly get out of it, he’s depending on me and he can’t just give me the day off at the last minute. There’s no one to fill my position on a moment’s notice, so as much as I’d love to spend the day with you, I can’t get out of it. I’m sorry.”

After a moment of staring each other down Sandy gives a reluctant nod of her head and concedes. “I know you’d get out of it if you could Jare, but it’s not just that I’m disappointed you’ll be working instead of seeing a movie with me. I’m worried about you, what you’re doing to yourself. You’re working yourself to death and while there’s a good reason for it, your reason worries me even more.”

“I appreciate that you’re worried about me Sandy, it feels good to hear how much you care, but I’ll be okay, I promise.” Jared tries to reassure her but he can tell he doesn’t succeed when she just stares back at him calculatingly and the worry never leaves her eyes.

“I hate what this is doing to you Jared,” she finally says, squeezing his arm briefly and giving him a smile full of concern. “You’re not happy anymore, you’re always so sad all the time, even though you try to hide it. I don’t see that vibrant person inside of you that has always been so full of life Jare and it’s scaring me. I’d give anything to see you smile again and mean it. I just want you to be happy.”

Jared has to look away when he can no longer handle seeing that sad look in her eyes and he stares off into the distance for a long stretch of time, thought after thought rolling around in his head. He wishes he could say her fears aren’t justified, wishes he could say she has nothing to worry about, but he knows she is right. He’s not nearly as happy as he once was, is beginning to forget what happiness even feels like. He feels like it has all just been sapped out of him and he is left feeling hollow and melancholy most of the time.

He has to hope it will get better though, because what does he have if he doesn’t have hope to hold on to? He may just give in to depression and self pity then and that is the last thing he wants to do. He is taking this whole situation with Jensen harder than he thought he would; losing Jen hurts more than he wants to admit. He had fallen in love with Jensen though, is still in love with him, and getting over him is nearly impossible. He is missing the other man awfully; misses looking into those bright green eyes, seeing that beautiful smile, but most of all he misses just having the other man around. He can’t help feeling a little lost without him.

“Listen to me Jared, okay,” Sandy grabs his attention once more and only continues speaking when Jared turns to face her. “I know you’re trying to do the right thing, be a good friend, and I respect that. But, this is killing you Jared. It’s obvious to anyone with eyes that you miss Jensen and you’ve lost your spark ever since you ended the friendship. You both want to be together, both are in love with each other, so why keep fighting it when it’s making you this miserable?”

Jared stares back at her in shocked disbelief. _Is she serious?_ he questions silently, shaking his head mutely. “Are you even hearing yourself?” he asks her like she has gone insane, which he thinks she just may have. “You’re the one who thought I shouldn’t be friends with him and now you’re saying I should betray Chad by stealing his boyfriend from him?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I still think starting a friendship with him wasn’t a good thing for you, since you were so infatuated with him. But the damage was already done and there was nothing anyone could do about it. I said you should have never started, not that you should end it,” Sandy points out firmly, looking at him with hard eyes but a touch of worry still remains. “But ever since you met Jensen, got to know him on a more personal level, you… I dunno, you just had this spark.”

Jared gives her a skeptical look but she continues regardless, refusing to back down. “You smiled more, you were constantly happy even though it still hurt a little to hang out with him,” she tells him softly. “But the point is you looked forward to spending time with him, even when you knew you had no chance. But, you _do_ have a chance Jared. Jensen loves you, not Chad. Being apart from him is slowly killing you and you’re not even lifting a finger to stop it, though you know you want to.”

“I may want to Sandy, but that doesn’t mean I can,” Jared tells her with a heavy sigh, a touch of exasperation in his tone. “Chad may not be the best friend at times but he’s still my friend and I won’t do anything that might risk his friendship, I could never live with myself if he never forgave me.”

“I know you care about Chad and you’re trying not to hurt him, but… sometimes you have to look out for yourself Jared,” Sandy tells him gently. “Just once you should look out for yourself instead of worrying about everyone else. You can’t worry about hurting Chad because he will either get over it or he won’t, but this is your happiness at stake. Don’t let Jensen go, because you may regret it and by then it’ll probably be too late.”

Jared can feel the tears building in his eyes as he gives Sandy a watery smile. “I can’t betray him like that Sandy, any more than I could ever betray you,” he tells her sadly, lips trembling. “My friends come first, even if I have to hurt because of it. You guys come first, that’s just the way it is.”

A tear slides down Sandy’s face, overwhelmed by the pain her best friend is in, and Jared doesn’t resist when she pulls him into her arms and offers comfort in her embrace. “You’re too loyal for your own good Jared,” Sandy tells him sadly as she holds onto him tighter. “That good heart of yours gets you hurt more often than I’m comfortable with.”

Jared doesn’t say anything as he clings to his best friend, Sadie at his feet looking up at him with sad eyes like she can sense his distress, and he tries to keep his tears inside where they belong and won’t embarrass him in public.

**:0Ж0:**

Jared lasts another week before giving in to Chad’s demands and he reluctantly finds himself behind the wheel of his car, on his way to the blond’s house. Chad has been calling him insistently, wanting Jared to come over and hang out like he used to, but Jared always found reasons not to. He knew he would eventually run out of excuses and would have to man up eventually because the last thing he wants is for Chad to think Jared doesn’t want to hang out with him anymore. He pushed Jensen out of his life, God knows it hurt him to do it, just so he wouldn’t lose Chad’s friendship. But, at the rate he’d been going, he was bound to do just that if he continued finding reasons to avoid Chad and his house like the plague.

It was difficult for him to work up the courage to face Chad, and Jensen, but he did what he had to do and called the blond this morning. Luckily, or unluckily, whichever way you look at it, Chad had the day off too and was more than enthusiastic when Jared asked if he could come over and hang out for a while. Hearing his friend’s joy through the phone made Jared feel like a horrible friend, because Chad sounded genuinely happy to be seeing him again. It made him feel like a downright heel because Chad is his friend, they have known each other a long time, and in a way Jared has been treating him like crap.

That phone call really woke him up and made him see how selfish he has been this whole time, made him see just how much of a jackass he has been, and now he knows he has to find a way to make it up to the blond. Jared wishes he could explain his behavior, but then he would have to admit to things best left hidden, so really, the only thing he can do is try his best to find more time to spend with his friend, even if just the mere thought of it has Jared’s stomach tying up in knots.

When Jared pulls into Chad’s driveway there is an expensive Bentley parked beside Chad’s beat up Ford that Jared doesn’t recognize and he stares at it for a few moments, a frown of confusion on his face. He has never seen this car before and he doesn’t think any of Chad’s friends can afford something so nice. Jensen’s salary certainly wouldn’t be enough for a car like this so Jared is pretty sure it doesn’t belong to him. Chad has met quite a few new people since he started working on that television show of his though, so Jared assumes it could belong to one of his cast mates.

Knowing he is wasting time by analyzing who could possibly own an expensive car like this, Jared shuts off the engine of his own vehicle and climbs out. He makes his way up the driveway slowly, trying to work up his nerve, knowing he will need it if he hopes to make it through a few hours in Chad and Jensen’s company. It has been quite a while since he last saw Jensen and there is bound to be tension between them. Jared can only hope this goes better than he expects it to.

Taking a deep breath, Jared knocks on the door and waits to be let in, feeling restless and fidgety. Moments later he can hear footsteps approaching and when the front door opens all Jared can do is stare in shock. His mouth is gaping open like a fish and he is sure his eyes are bulging out of his skull. Not a good look on anybody, but he figures no one can really blame him considering the circumstances.

“Hey Jared, been a long time,” Sophia says with a friendly smile as she steps aside to let him in. “How have you been?”

“I uh, I’ve been good… yeah, real good…” Jared manages to say, feeling quite stupid, but the shock still hasn’t worn off yet. “How, erm, how’ve you been?”

“Working my ass off,” she responds with a chuckle and Jared takes notice of the tired lines around her eyes. “I really shouldn’t complain though ‘cause I love the show and the ratings have been better than any of us expected.”

Now that some of the shock has worn off Jared finds himself getting angry, can feel it coursing through his veins and he is even shaking a little. Don’t get him wrong, he likes Sophia just fine, she’s a sweet girl, and it is nice to see her again. But he isn’t happy about _where_ he is seeing her. What the hell is she doing at Chad’s house, looking so cozy in her bare feet, like she somehow belongs here? What is he missing here? Whatever it is, he doesn’t like it and he wants some damn answers, _now_.

He realizes he should probably calm down before he blows up and makes a scene. He doesn’t have all the facts yet, so he really shouldn’t be jumping to conclusions. This could all very well be innocent after all. A little voice at the back of his mind is nagging at him though, telling him there is something wrong with this picture, and it only manages to make the bad feeling in his stomach worse. There is just something odd about the way Sophia is standing here, in her bare feet, and answering Chad’s door like she lives here and has a right to do so.

And where the hell is Jensen? Does he know that Sophia is here? Is he alright with this or is he at work, no idea Chad’s ex is visiting and looking so comfortable in his home? This leads him to wonder if Chad even let his boyfriend know he is talking to his ex. And, God help him, Jared doesn’t even want to think about it but he can’t help but question whether Chad is being faithful or not. He knows how bad that seems. He doesn’t want to think ill of his friend, doesn’t want to think even for a second that Chad could be capable of doing something like this, but he is thinking it and he has a right to doubt his friend. Chad has cheated in the past after all, so there is nothing to say he wouldn’t do it again, especially if you factor in Sophia.

This just makes him want to scream though, because if Chad is in fact cheating, he isn’t just cheating on anyone, he’s cheating on Jensen, and that is just unacceptable and unforgivable in Jared’s eyes. Again, he realizes he is jumping to conclusions and should probably let Chad explain before he completely loses his temper, but this is about Jensen and Jared totally doesn’t think rationally when he is involved.

Jared snaps back to himself when Sophia walks around him and heads into the living room, plopping down onto the couch and propping her feet up on the coffee table. Jared follows after a moment and looks around, feeling a little lost and out of the loop. Sophia glances up at him now and then as she flips through the channels, trying to find something to watch but obviously getting a little uncomfortable with how quiet Jared is being. There was a time when Jared would drop down next to her and they’d chat like the best of friends. But that was then and this is now; he hasn’t seen Sophia in a long time and he certainly wasn’t expecting to see her when he called Chad up this morning. Hell, Chad didn’t even mention that Sophia would be here, which Jared finds a little odd now that he thinks about it.

“So uh, where is Chad?” Jared finally asks after a few more moments of awkward silence.

Sophia opens her mouth to answer but Chad chooses that moment to appear, rounding the corner from the hallway, and grins the moment he sees Jared. “Jay my man!” the blond says enthusiastically as he pats Jared roughly on the back in greeting. “Was beginning to wonder if you’d ever come around again.”

Jared forces a grin onto his face, though he knows it probably looks strained and possibly even feral. “We need to talk, now!” Jared practically growls as he latches onto Chad’s arm, fingernails digging in to flesh, and drags Chad out of the room none too gently.

He doesn’t stop until they are outside on the back porch and the door is closed behind them. Chad snatches his arm out of Jared’s grasp with a pained “ow,” and a confused, annoyed expression on his face. Jared doesn’t say anything for a few moments, just paces back and forth as he breathes harshly through his nose, telling himself over and over again to calm down before he loses his temper entirely and does something he may regret. It doesn’t really help.

“What the hell has gotten into you?” Chad snaps at him angrily, glaring heatedly. “Have you lost your damn mind? You nearly ripped my arm off, you ass!”

Jared rounds on him in a flash, making Chad step back in surprise, and he would grin triumphantly for making Chad actually look scared of him if he wasn’t too angry to appreciate it. “What has gotten into _me_?” he asks, voice low and dangerous, eyes narrowing. “What the hell has gotten into _you_?”

Chad just looks back at him in confusion, like he really doesn’t get what has Jared so upset, and it really just makes Jared angrier because Chad should know. It should be pretty damn obvious actually. He and Chad already had this conversation, that day in the book store, and all Jared can think about is how defensive the blond had been. _So help me God Chad better not be cheating_ , Jared growls protectively, _or I swear I’ll kill him, friend or not, I’ll kill him for hurting Jensen._

“Tell me, what is Sophia doing here?” Jared asks in a sarcastic tone that has an edge to it, telling Chad in no certain terms that he better not bullshit him because he is dead serious right now. “Does Jensen know you’re being so friendly with each other? How _friendly_ are you exactly?”

Jared does nothing to disguise the accusation in his voice and he watches as the momentary fear bleeds from Chad’s eyes and now the blond stares back at him, offended. “Are you trying to imply that I’m cheating on Jensen?” His voice is full of disbelief as he asks this, looking offended but angry at the same time.

“What am I supposed to think Chad?” Jared asks with a sigh, some of the fight leaving him but not completely. “I show up here expecting you or Jensen to let me in and instead I find Sophia, looking so cozy and comfortable. I know your history with that girl, I know how easy it would be for you to fall back in love with her, since I don’t think you ever completely stopped loving her. I just… what did you expect Chad? I don’t want to accuse you of anything but you gotta admit this looks bad from an outsider’s point of view.”

“That’s exactly the point, isn’t it?” Chad laughs with no humor, the sound of it bitter and wry. “You’re an outsider in all of this because you put yourself in that position.”

Jared doesn’t know how to respond to this because he knows Chad is right. He did put himself in this position, pushed his friend so far away that he doesn’t even know what is going on in Chad’s life anymore. Obviously a lot had changed when Jared wasn’t looking and he has no one to blame but himself.

“Don’t come in here throwing accusations at me when you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” Chad continues with barely contained anger in his voice. “Maybe you would know why Sophia is here if you ever bothered to call me once in a while, bothered to come around. But no, instead you avoided me for, I dunno, _months_. And now you come here demanding answers? Sorry Jared but it doesn’t work that way. You got no right coming into my home, after no sign of you for months, acting like a complete ass.”

Jared looks away in shame. “You’re right,” he whispers softly, his shame bleeding out into his voice. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have accused you like that, and I’m sorry for avoiding you. I wish I could explain my actions, but… I’m just really sorry, I know I‘m acting like a jerk.”

Chad doesn’t disagree with him, just nods his head and lets out a sigh. “If you must know, Jensen and I broke up over a month ago. Well, he actually broke up with me, but that doesn’t really matter. We both saw it coming and it was bound to happen eventually, either him or me breaking it off. I’m kinda surprised you didn’t already know though, since you two are practically attached at the hip.”

Jared is shocked to hear this, he had no idea they had broken up. It brings him back to that afternoon Jensen showed up at his place for the last time and he wonders if this was what Jensen had been trying to tell him. The thought of it makes his stomach churn and he regrets being a total prick by not letting Jensen explain, not giving him the chance say what he came to tell him. He had just turned Jensen away, gave him the cold shoulder, and pretended not to care when Jensen left looking like his heart had been shattered.

  
 _“Look, I know you told me our friendship is over, but will you please just listen to me for a second? I_ have _to tell you something,” Jensen pleads, exasperation creeping into his voice when Jared tells him once more that he shouldn’t have come over. “After you hear me out, if you still stand firm with your decision, I’ll leave, okay? If you never want to see me again I’ll respect your wishes, but please… just hear me out, please.”_

 _“There’s nothing left to discuss Jen, I made my decision already and I’m not changing my mind. I simply_ cannot _be your friend, end of story. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way it is.” Jared tells him, forcing an irritated sigh. He hates that he is doing this, but he knows that he has to._

_“But Jay, I talked…”_

_“I don’t want to hear this. There is nothing you can say that will change the situation.” Jared interrupts him with a groan, forcing himself to look at Jensen with bored eyes._

_“You’re not even willing to listen, even if what I have to say might change your mind on things? You‘re really going to just push me out of your life? Am I that disposable to you?” Jensen asks in a pained, desperate voice. “Don’t you care, even a little?”_

_“I highly doubt anything you say can get me to betray my friend like that. I care about you Jen, I really do, but my friends come first. I won’t do anything to hurt him, even if that means I have to give up you,” Jared tells him matter of factly, not letting any emotion into his voice as he gives Jensen a blank stare. “Now, I would like you to leave, and not come back this time.”_

_Jensen just stares back at him with watery eyes, fighting back tears as he shakes his head in disbelief, lower lip beginning to tremble slightly. There is disappointment and undeniable hurt in his eyes, hurt Jared wants nothing more than to take away, and his heart clenches at the broken expression on Jensen’s face. He didn’t want to hurt Jensen, that’s the last thing he would ever want to do, but he didn’t see any other way around it._

_Without so much as a word, Jensen turns on his heel and practically runs from the house, the front door closing behind him on his way out with a resounding slam that makes Jared jump. Without the light haired man standing in front of him, Jared lets his walls come down and he slumps to the floor as his held back emotion breaks free, leaving him a trembling mess on his living room floor._

  
“I haven’t spoken to Jen in almost two months,” Jared practically whispers when he pulls himself out of the memory, which happens to be more painful now than before.

Chad actually looks shocked by this as he gapes at him in disbelief. “Now that’s a little hard to believe, I thought it’d take the Jaws of Life to break you two apart,” he says, sounding amused but a little disappointed. “Look, to be honest, and feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought you were in love with him. So, if I’m right, why is it that you haven’t seen him in so long?”

“You… you knew?” Jared asks with a deer caught in headlights look on his face.

“Wasn’t exactly hard to figure out,” Chad grins wryly. “I’m not upset, if that’s what you’re thinking. I might have been at first, but Jen and I… things got strange between us towards the end… it was obvious we didn’t feel the same way for each other like we did when we first met. Then he told me he was in love with you and it all kind of clicked into place for me. By then I already knew I was falling for Sophia again, and breaking up with Jensen really was for the best. He’s a great guy, but obviously not the one for me, and even I could see how perfect you two were for each other.”

Jared can’t quite believe this is happening, this isn’t going the way he thought it would if the truth were ever to come out. He expected Chad to be angry, to end their friendship right then and there. But he isn’t and Jared isn’t quite sure how to respond.

Chad says with a little smile, “I dunno, I guess all this time I just figured you and him had hooked up once I was out of the picture. It never occurred to me that you weren’t talking. In fact, I kind of figured that was why you were avoiding me. Guilt, ya know? And that’s kinda why I’ve been tryin’ so hard to get ya to come over, so we could clear the air so to speak.”

“You’re really not upset by this?” Jared asks in astonishment, having more respect for his friend than he did before.

“Of course not,” Chad responds like this is obvious. “I care about both of you and I just want you to be happy Jay.”

“Oh God,” Jared laughs a bit hysterically, “I have seriously fucked up this time.”

Chad looks confused but Jared doesn’t give him time to ask him what’s wrong. “Do you know where Jen is?” Jared asks a bit desperately.

“He’s staying with a friend of his,” Chad answers with a curious expression gracing his features as he eyes Jared, probably wondering how badly Jared messed up exactly. “Can’t be positive who though.”

“Come on Chad, think,” Jared pleads. “Did he mention which friend he was staying with?”

Chad looks mildly annoyed but he obliges nonetheless. “Something Kane, if I remember right.”

“Crap, I so do not want to deal with Chris today.” Jared groans softly, knowing he probably is on Christian Kane’s shit list at the moment.

**:0Ж0:**

Chris leans against the door jamb, arms crossed over his chest, blocking the entrance. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t punch you in the face right now,” he says with narrowed eyes and a scowl on his face.

Jared knew Chris would give him a hard time; he is kind of surprised he hasn’t been punched already for simply showing up, and he can’t say he wouldn’t deserve it. He knows he should be thanking his lucky stars that the man hasn’t slammed the door on him, but he just doesn’t have time to deal with Chris right now. He needs to speak to Jensen and Chris is standing in his way of doing just that.

“Look, Chris I know I screwed up, okay? I know there’s no excuse for it, and though I couldn’t apologize enough to make you believe me, I really am sorry for hurting him. I need to see him, I need to explain myself, let him know I was wrong and I want a second chance. You can hit me all you want later, I won’t even try to stop you, but I _need_ to talk to Jen. Please,” Jared pleads desperately, hoping Chris won’t fight him on this.

Chris releases a sigh, rolling his eyes but looking at Jared with sympathy in his blue irises. “I can tell you’re sincere Jared, and I wouldn’t stop you from talking to Jen, but you’re a little too late.”

“What?” Jared asks, voice rising in pitch, on the edge of panicking. “What do you mean?”

“I mean the boy is at the bus station as we speak. After a month of sulking he decided he just couldn’t stay in California anymore, said it was too hard, and now he’s heading back home to Texas,” Chris looks honestly regretful and sympathetic as he says this. “You’re too late Jared, I’m sorry.”

Jared deflates when he hears this. The pain that hits him at the thought of never seeing Jensen again is intense, more so than when he turned Jensen away that afternoon nearly two months ago. He can’t stand the thought of Jensen never knowing how sorry he is, never being able to apologize for being such a dickhead. He isn’t ready to admit defeat though, isn’t ready to give up on Jensen yet. There has to be something he can do, there just has to be. Hell, he will follow Jensen to Texas if he has to.

“It’s never too late,” Jared says with a determined glint in his eyes and Chris just grins in silent approval.

**:0Ж0:**

Jared is sure he broke every speed limit and ran more than one red light in his haste to reach the bus station in time. He knows that wasn’t very smart, and he could have easily gotten into an accident, but he wasn’t exactly in the right frame of mind at the time. All he cared about was reaching Jensen before he boarded that bus and disappeared from Jared’s life forever. He was motivated and nothing could stand in his way.

The moment he reached the bus station he slammed on his brakes and threw his car into park before tearing out of the vehicle like a bat out of hell. His heart was in his throat the whole time, adrenaline and anxiety coursing through his veins, but the moment he caught sight of Jensen it was like everything slowed down.

Now he stands too many feet away with his breath caught in his throat and his eyes glued to Jensen’s slumped form. The poor guy looks like the weight of the world rests on his shoulders and Jared feels a pinch of guilt because he knows he is the one that put it there. The sight of him is heartbreaking to Jared and he knows he will do anything humanly possible to keep Jensen from looking so broken ever again.

Jared snaps back to himself, knowing he needs to make his move, when he sees Jensen stand up from his seat and walk in the direction of one of the buses. Jensen is just climbing the stairs of the bus when Jared screams out his name at the top of his lungs, hoping to be heard from such a distance. Jensen stops, foot in midair, and twists his neck around with a shocked expression on his face. When their eyes meet Jared releases the breath he was holding and simply stares, transfixed, for a few moments.

Jared forces his body to propel him forward when Jensen steps down from the bus and slowly heads in Jared’s direction, apprehension all over his face. They meet halfway, their eyes never leaving one another’s. Jared wants so badly to reach out and touch Jensen but he doesn’t think it would be well received, considering how things were left between them.

“What are you doing here Jared?” Jensen asks in a soft voice, looking curious but wary.

“I had to catch you before you left, had to tell you that I’m sorry.” Jared tells him in an equally soft voice, left over adrenaline making him sound breathless. “I talked to Chad, didn’t know until today that you broke it off with him.”

“I tried to tell you myself but you didn’t exactly want to hear me out,” Jensen tells him bitterly and Jared can’t stop himself from flinching.

“I know, and I’m sorry for the way I treated you that day,” Jared says, putting all his emotion into his words, his voice, and his expression. “It hurt me to turn you away like I did, to be so emotionless about it. I know you may not believe me but it’s the truth. I didn’t want to run you out of my life, but I didn’t see any other way at the time. I was afraid of losing my friendship with Chad, and I didn’t want to hurt him. I’ve always put my friends before myself, their feelings before my own, and this was the one time I regretted doing it. And then when Chad told me he wasn’t upset, I knew I had screwed up with you. I hurt you and there’s no excuse for it, but I want to make up for it, if you’ll give me the chance.”

“I understand that you didn’t want hurt Chad, and I respect you for that, I was never upset because of that Jared,” Jensen gives Jared a pained expression, taking a deep breath. “It hurt that you weren’t willing to give us a chance, but that wasn’t what truly upset me either. What hurt the most was I was your friend too Jared, and you threw me away like I didn’t matter. I wanted to be with you in the worst way but more than anything your friendship meant the most to me and it made me feel like my friendship obviously didn’t mean very much to you if you could turn your back on it so easily.”

Jared can feel his heart constrict in his chest when he realizes just how badly he messed up and when it comes to a way to fix this, he is at a loss. What could he possibly do or say to make it okay? Tossing Jensen’s friendship aside had been a poor move on his part, he knows it, but he never realized how much it affected Jensen until right now. The shame he felt earlier with Chad makes a reappearance and is more vicious than ever.

Jensen’s heavy sigh brings Jared’s attention back to him and it kills him to see the sad smile directed his way. “It doesn’t matter Jared, it’s over and done with now, best to move on and put this behind us,” Jensen says this like he is trying to be strong, like he is trying to convince himself as well as Jared. “I really have to go before my bus leaves without me. Just… take care of yourself Jared.”

Panic seizes him when Jensen turns away and begins walking back towards the bus, knowing nothing has really been resolved and this could very well may be his last chance to make things right, his last chance in general. He calls out to Jensen, asking him to wait, but Jensen just shakes his head in a defeated sort of way and continues walking.

“I love you!” Jared screams without putting any conscious thought into it, just knowing he needs to say something to stop Jensen from leaving and this is the first thing that comes out of his mouth.

Jensen’s whole body stiffens as he comes to a halt, just standing there rigid with his back to Jared. “Don’t do this Jared,” he whispers and Jared just barely hears him. “It’s too late, just leave it alone. It probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway.”

“I mean it, I love you Jensen. I have for a long time now, but I was too stupid to grab hold of you and never let go. I let the whole thing with Chad hold me back, but I’m done with that,” Jared tells him firmly, sincerely, as steps up behind the man who captured his heart the moment he tripped over him the night they first met.

“Even if I wanted to give us a chance Jared, I don’t know if I could,” Jensen tells him softly, sounding suspiciously close to tears. “My trust in you has been broken and I’m a little afraid to let you in again.”

It hurts Jared to hear this but he figures it is to be expected that any trust Jensen had in him vanished when Jared hurt him. But that doesn’t mean he can’t regain Jensen’s trust, given enough time and patience. He doesn’t believe it is gone for good, just lost at the moment. He is willing to do whatever it takes, wait as long as needed, to regain Jensen’s trust and make it up to the light haired man.

“I’m willing to do whatever it takes Jensen,” he finally says, thankful that Jensen hasn’t walked away yet. This gives him a little bit of hope. “I love you and I’m so damn sorry for hurting you. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if that’s what I need to do.”

Jensen slowly turns around to face him, eyes and expression guarded but listening. “It won’t be easy Jared, and there’s no guarantee this will work out,” he tells him, more like warning him, and watches Jared’s facial expressions closely. “I’m not saying I’ll never trust you again but it may take a while. Are you honestly serious about this, about us? I can’t go into this with you without knowing you’re positive this is what you want, and I need to know you’re not gonna walk out on me if things get tough.”

“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life,” Jared tells him honestly, the start of a smile growing on his face as he notices all the signs of Jensen giving in.

Jensen just watches him closely for a moment, as though contemplating Jared’s sincerity, before a small smile appears on his face. “Alright then, we’ll give this a shot.”

A full blown grin pulls at Jared’s lips, and laughter of pure happiness rushes from his lungs as he pulls Jensen into his arms and hugs him tightly. Jensen’s arms wrap around him immediately and Jared feels the contented sigh that escapes him when Jensen pushes his face into the side of his neck.

They stand like that for an unknown amount of time, just holding onto each other, reluctant to let go. Jared is the first to pull back though and then they are kissing, though neither of them can say who moved in first. Their mouths are fused together like they were made for it and Jared’s tongue slips inside when Jensen’s lips part on a sigh. Jared’s hand is at the nap of Jensen’s neck, fingers caressing the fine hairs found there, while Jensen’s arms are wrapped around his neck with a hand buried in Jared’s shaggy hair.

Jared finds that kissing Jensen when he is sober is ten times better than when he is drunk because he puts his whole heart in it, kissing tenderly but earnest, using his lips to convey everything he is trying to say. Jared enjoyed kissing him just fine when he was drunk - Jensen’s just a damn fine kisser in general - but there is just something more meaningful when Jensen is sober. He puts more into it, using his lips sensually, like he is sending a message, rather than just mouths and tongues sliding wetly together in a frenzied need that makes it more carnal, more about lust and pent up sexual tension.

Jared reluctantly pulls away, panting for air, and smiles a little goofily at Jensen, tightening his arms around him. “I do love you, ya know,” Jared tells him, feeling he needs to hear it.

Jensen smiles, small but genuine, “Yeah, I love you too.”

It’s not perfect, and they are a long way from resolving everything; only time can heal the wounds Jared’s mistake has caused and the broken trust left behind, but it’s a start and that is all Jared could ask for.

  
**Fin.**   



End file.
